Tomorrow, when the rest of my life began

2011-10-03T22:25:00.004+13:00

I feel so unstable. And lost. Even though I have a project - planning a ridiculously ambitious adventure - and things to do, I'm just floating. I allowed myself a week to laze about in my post-travel daze, moping about in sweatpants and hoodies and playing an embarrassing amount of Scrabble. Then, motivation! You emerged from the depths. But I gravitate back and forth between feeling good about moving forward and still feeling lost, knowing that I'm moving forward with something that I'm doing because I don't know what else I should be doing. But I want to do this. I want to hike from Northland to Auckland. And maybe beyond. Maybe it's the maybe part. And of course there's all these logistics. Maybe I don't really want to go by myself. I'm craving a home and sense of community so why am I doing the complete opposite? It's absurd. I must be totally mental. I know I'm having trouble committing to staying in one place but this is taking it to the extreme. Is my subconscious saying that at least I won't have a chance to build lasting relationships because I'll be constantly on the move? I thought I was doing this trip to clear my mind and help me figure out what I want in life but instead it's starting to seem more like avoiding what I actually do want in life.

I've always stood by my choices and lifestyle; I just do what makes me happy until I feel like doing something else. But now I don't know what that something else is. I don't know what I feel passionate enough about to make a decision. I'm tired of saying goodbye to people all the time. Especially some people. I don't know what to do next. All summer I didn't know what I was going to do next, and it was a tough summer. Am I actually unhappy? How did I get to this point? And more importantly, how do I get away from it?

2011-09-20T10:49:00.002+12:00

Back in Auckland. Feels strange as it always does when I come back from being away a while. Don't feel like I really want to be here, but I think it's more a case of not being certain about my next move. I think I'm going on a very long hike. Which might be far too ambitious for me, but how will I know if I don't try? Besides, I need some time to gather my thoughts and I hope that some time on the train will help clear my mind so I can figure out what I'm doing with my life. I'm pretty sure I'll still have no idea by the time I'm done hiking but it's nice to dream.

somewhere in between

2011-08-04T09:35:00.002+12:00

river running
sticky grass
blueberries by the pond
swimming under the stars
playing with children
guitar chords
consignment shops
capture the flag
magazine cutouts
silly costumes
butterscotch pudding cups
slacklining

a balancing act

sunset across the lake after a long walk where I watched a heron and some ducks and nearly lost a mitten

2010-07-08T18:53:00.005+12:00

sitting in a swing watching the glow
pomegranate amber beams
a glimpse of their stretching arms
out from the hills
fading and drifting
beyond the mountains
cloud encapsulated

2010-07-04T22:09:00.002+12:00

Is it really July? What have I been doing this year? Going on adventures, seeing new places. And just living, I guess. Not everything has to be an adventure. Not that I believe that.

Under where?

2010-07-01T22:19:00.005+12:00

So, I needed to find the most environmentally friendly new underwear option. I did a little searching. And not enough researching, apparently. I bought some bamboo underwear that I thought were made in New Zealand (even though I knew that the bamboo came from China). I only discovered this when I received them in the mail, in plastic packaging, in a plastic courier bag. I am not convinced about their being environmentally responsible. This is why I am always so dubious about "green" businesses. A business is a business. Anyway, the underwear was made in China.
However, I have found another option. (Aside from Thunderpants and Fanny Adams - both made in NZ. The latter of which I have had no intimate experience with and the former I would probably be psyched about - as opposed to just regular old happy with - if it had been correctly labelled). This is totally awesome: underwear made from fabric off-cuts that would otherwise be destined for the landfill. The new website is still to be launched but the old site gives you an idea. I sent an email and got a lovely, fast, and helpful reply from Caroline. And she doesn't use plastic bags. She is based in Wellington and you can buy her lovely underwear from a shop in Wellington which I believe is called Goodscore/Good Score. Not sure if it's one or two words. The only thing is that she said the demand for her underwear exceeds her supply of off-cuts so she does actually buy some fabric which I thought defeated the point somewhat but she said she was happy to send me underwear made completely from off-cuts. Anyway, what a great concept and I totally applaud it. Even before receiving the underwear.

It's actually pretty hard if you want to find really nice (*cough* sexy *cough*) underwear (or bras, I didn't see ANY). Although, Icebreaker does offer a thong "made from the finest, softest, most luxurious merino in the world".

But what about my no-new-clothes-for-a-year rule, you may ask? Well, I never actually considered underwear when I made the rule, I was really just thinking about regular clothes since I own so many yet still like to buy them, and when someone asked I just said that I suppose I would only buy new underwear (or socks) to replace old ones when it was time to throw them away. But it's not like I buy underwear to make a fashion statement, so I don't feel like it's cheating if I buy some extra underwear because that's not why I made the rule. It was because I had too many clothes. After November (when the year is up) any clothes purchases (that aren't socks or underwear) will have to be second hand.

In other enviro news, I am trying to figure out how to drastically reduce the amount of plastic I throw away. Big project.

2010-07-01T22:01:00.002+12:00

crosswords, tea, and knitting on one's knee
a book about kayaking a frozen sea
a pile of egg cartons for recycling
(re-use, actually)
a jigsaw
puzzle of a picture we can't see

story of my life
being a puzzle, I mean

2010-06-18T21:35:00.003+12:00

she daydreams
of sitting on the floor
warming by the fireplace

sipping vodka from a jar
flickering shadows
lost moments
a lemon slice

New Hampshire Blues

2010-06-08T18:25:00.004+12:00

Today I really wished I was back in New Hampshire. I talked to all the gang today on their leadership retreat and it made me want to be there more than ever. In hindsight it is so obvious that camp is where I wanted to be this summer but earlier this year I couldn't quite figure that out. The idea of going back next year (or, just going back at all) got me more excited than the idea of going to France or going to Italy on a whim for a nannying job or anything else I've thought of so far. I guess a couple of months ago I was still set on the idea of staying in one place and not moving for a while (and also trying to pay off debts sooner rather than later) but now I think that it's when I'm not in New Hampshire that I do all my moving round, and when I'm there, that's home.

Will I feel that way if I go back next year?

Moving on

2010-05-26T22:52:00.003+12:00

Yesterday I thought about how I've sort of given up blog writing, but then I remembered why. You know, the whole crush thing that actually turned into something a bit more kept me fairly occupied.

Yesterday I also thought about going to France. I didn't get as excited about it as I thought I would. It's because it would just be continuing the transient lifestyle. I think I feel that way because I'm bummed out about having had to say goodbye to someone. But today I really wished I was going back to New Hampshire. But I think part of that is that I'm bummed and just want to go back to somewhere familiar. And warm. Te Anau in the winter is not only new, but cold and people keep leaving. Not that there aren't nice people left behind but you know how I love NH. It was talking to the camp director yesterday that made me realise that camp was where I really wanted to be. Oh well. Too late now.

Winter, here I come.

Is it time to listen to my practical side?

2010-02-08T00:45:00.003+13:00

So many adventures, so little time to write. I think today's highlight was calling Molly her birthday but also getting to talk to Parker, Hutch and Jaime, and getting to hear Charlotte (aged 2) say hi to me! It is nice to know that she hasn't forgotten me yet. I almost couldn't believe how American they all sounded - it has been too long since I spoke to them last. And they, too, noticed my much stronger NZ accent.

And I really want to go back.

But it is not really financially viable for me to return to New Hampshire yet again. Even if it is one of my homes. It's tough for me to make a decision because although I want to, I know I shouldn't go, yet I know if I really want to, I could make it happen. The practical side of me is saying no. Big sigh.

Back to the adventures. Last weekend Amanda and I went to a bluegrass music festival in the Catlins. The whole trip was an array of beautiful places, great music, exploring the area and wonderful weather. Lying in the sun listening to bluegrass; a multi-sensory experience of a waterfall; climbing a hill to watch a sunset and accidentally scaring the cows into another paddock; unexpected Robbie Burns celebration of bagpipes and haggis; dancing; honesty box camping; a starry, starry night. Running and spinning around on the sands of Tautuku Bay; more bluegrass in the sun; drawing "portraits" without looking at the paper; visiting the petrified forest of Curio Bay and seeing a penguin come ashore and feed baby penguins! Amazing to watch.

What else? Back to work. Three weeks of amazing sunshine and proper summer weather. It has been so hot! I love it. It is how summer should be. Had a very late night the other night for my flatmate's 40th birthday. Have been enjoying my bike with basket. Still wondering whether I will ever be reunited with my lost fleece. Maybe developing a crush on someone. As usual, hating how it makes me feel all school-girly about it.

Lots and lots of working lots and lots

2010-01-09T16:46:00.003+13:00

Working heaps. Want to take art classes. Want to go to yoga. Not sure how to fit these into my schedule. Haven't been doing my French lessons, not for lack of motivation but lack of time. Though I do try and speak in French to French-speaking tourists (as opposed to non-French-speaking tourists), AND I work with a guy from Britanny, so I suppose that is something at least.

Tomorrow I am going to Invercargill to pick up a second hand bicycle. It has a basket! Awesome.

Rose and I want to do the Otago Rail Trail at some point. Also awesome.

It is raining. There has been recent snow on the mountains. My feet are cold. This morning I wore mittens to work. I love mittens. Before lunch I ate sunflower and pumpkins seeds fried in soy sauce and they were strangely addictive. I also visited an artist's house but he wasn't home. We left him a note on his clothesline.

I got a promotion! Same job but with more responsibilities - managing the two sites we are running down here. Today we ran out of toner. It is nice to feel like I am actually doing a good job at something after what happened with the other job. I think the worst thing about that is that I know they were right. Not right to do that to me, but in what they said. The real reason I was so upset about it is not because I moved all the way down here and was suddenly out of a job, but because I actually wasn't good enough for something and embarrassed that I thought I was.

But here I am, employed for less than a month and already noticed as someone capable of more. Success!

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T22:43:00.003+13:00

I love the sound of the rain. It has been "chucking it down" - as Jo put it - and the thunder has been rumbling, among flashes of lightning. We were watching Hairspray during the most exciting bit. Imagine walking home in this downpour! (My original plan before I got phoned at 9am and asked to come in to work earlier instead of later.)

New Year's Eve was probably my least interesting yet. Certainly my most lonely. I attended excellent events - band and bonfire in the park, followed by fireworks over the lake. But somehow these things just aren't as fun when you're by yourself. It's not that I mind going out by myself, but when it's not by choice one can't help but feel a bit far away from friends. I contemplated venturing to The Moose but considering about eight thousand other people had the same idea I decided to pass on it and go home.

Earlier this week was an exciting mini camping adventure in Shallow Bay. Absolutely beautiful! I hiked an hour and a half in, thinking about how it would be nice to have someone to hike with. But when I came upon the serenity of the shore of Lake Manapouri in the glow of the dipping sun, I felt content. Swimming was unbelievable. Facing out across the lake looking to the mountains, the evening light leaving a glow on the horizon. The smooth, cool water enlivening me. I felt incredibly happy.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T00:02:00.005+13:00

In no particular order: Youtube Christmas song karaoke night. Ralph the kea. Seeing a jewelled gecko. Eating those chocolate elves with pop rocks in them. Greasy hair. Had a couch surfer come to stay. Scoping out potential dumpsters in which to dive. Eating vegan banana cake. Wrapping presents with newspaper.

Cheshire Cat Moon

2009-12-23T00:25:00.003+13:00

I want to write about the Cheshire cat moon. And summer solstice. And the amazing weather we have had. And starting at the new site for my job. And cruising about on boats. Getting to steer the boat! Going to a Christmas party on a boat. Meeting a girl who turned out to be my new co-worker who is vegan and also into couch surfing. Meeting a guy who was a bit weird. Meeting lots of cave guides. Taking photos at work. Dreaming about taking photos at work. Not getting enough sleep. In dire need of my paycheck that is a week away. Not feeling very festive, wondering whatever happened to my Christmas spirit. Wondering why this post started off so upbeat and seems to be going downhill.

It is SO BEAUTIFUL here.

But it is time for bed.

2009-12-16T23:59:00.002+13:00

First day of training was awesome. Fact.

Tomorrow I am going to Queenstown to hang out with Rose. We are going on an adventure! I am also giving three strangers a ride.

My hair is pretty gross. I am merely tolerating it. Perhaps it would be better if I had a hairbrush and didn't have to de-tangle with my hands. So oily and disgusting. The only plus is that once my hair is done it stays that way. Not a hair out of place. I was convinced that that made it worthwhile until I took my hair out today and it was still wet from showering earlier and of course still disgusting from three weeks no washing. Luckily once I reach my two month goal I still have lots of shampoo to use up. I highly doubt my hair is going to become any less gross but I want to find out if I just care less about its grossness.

Anyway, except for the hair, feeling good!

I think I'm turning into a grown-up

2009-12-11T20:17:00.003+13:00

So, I have a job! Very exciting. And, for the first time in a long time, it is neither temporary nor seasonal. That's right, by some stroke of unexpectedness (it's not really luck or fate or whatever, it's just life) I have a permanent full-time job.

Now that I think about it, that's really quite bizarre. Have I ever even had a permanent full-time job? Weird. Definitely a new chapter in my book. In fact it might even be a whole new book. The sequel to "Yesterday, when all you ever did was follow summer and have seasonal jobs". Which was awesome. But I have been saying that I need to stay in one place for a while. Not forever, but for a while. I live away from home, I have a "real" job, I pay bills, and...

...wait a minute. I'm not turning into an adult am I?

I've actually already thought about this real job adult life thing. Especially because it's not really getting me closer to this whole living simply thing that I'm trying to move towards. But I'm not really sure exactly the lifestyle or logistics of this supposed "simple" life so I don't really know how to move towards it. Wwoofing would really help. And much more in keeping with the whole use-less-money/connect-work-more-closely-to-living thing. But then I remembered that I have debts. Financial ones. So, at least for the meantime, I need to work, save some money and pay off my debts. Then I can be "free".

Besides, I have lots of reading and learning to do. I only just heard of the "hockey stick controversy" yesterday. I did not realise that there was a disagreement about this graph showing increase in global temperature. Apparently, the world's average temperature is actually decreasing, though I have yet to find a reference for this. This all came about because my flatmate said that he did not believe that global warming was caused by human activity. In fact he doesn't think the globe is warming at all. I firmly believed that the increase in the earth's temperature was a result of increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which is the result of human activity. But now I'm a bit confused. I thought that, although the cause could perhaps not be proven, that it was generally accepted that the earth's average temperature is increasing. But there is so much conflicting information! So, much reading to be done.

On a totally unrelated note: Yesterday, after my (successful!) interview in Queenstown, I spent some time by the lake (Lake Wakatipu). Just relaxing, enjoying the sun, staring into the beautiful, clear water. It's startlingly clear. And inviting. I was not at all prepared for swimming but the more I looked at it the more I wanted to be in it. So, unashamedly stripping down to my underwear (trust me, if no one was around I'm sure I would have completely stripped - it's happened before) I jumped right in. It was totally worth it. So refreshingly cold, it was as if the lake had breathed new life into me. I didn't stay in for long, but even sitting on the sun-warmed rocks, that revitalising feeling of the circulatory system in action was amazing. I don't know what it is about water that I find so appealing - as I've said before, I'm not even a good swimmer - but it just makes me feel so content. Water often symbolises rebirth, I always just think it makes me feel alive. Plunging into wintry waters is, I suppose, like coming back to life.

Confessions of a dirty hippy

2009-12-06T15:45:00.003+13:00

Since I don't want to talk about how I don't have a job anymore, I'm going to talk about hair. My hair specifically, and how I am not washing it at the moment. Well, not with any kind of products. Not even with eggs, lemons or baking soda, as I have in the past. Apparently, my hair will find a happy medium of nice-without-being-too-oily-or-gross. I am pretty dubious. Today is Day 10.

Why am I not washing my hair? I'm not entirely sure, except that it seems to have some "green" benefits. No shampoo = not using resources that are made into shampoo = not creating plastic waste in terms of containers that hold shampoo. Although you can get those shampoo bars that are like bars of soap but for your hair. Besides, some people wash their hair way too frequently, in my opinion. I probably only washed mine twice a week. On various occasions, sometimes less. Anyway, I have been recommended to at least give it a go for two months and then decide whether to give up or go on. Sam hasn't washed his hair in about five months and it looks fine to me. I just think that my head will be itchy. My hair is definitely oily. But surprisingly not that gross. We will see.

On a totally unrelated topic, I decided I love Thunderpants. Comfortable, New Zealand made underwear that doesn't ride up your bum. What more could you want? Except I am not allowed to buy any (more) because I made a new rule last month about not buying any new clothes for a whole year. The only exceptions are: replacing old underwear that gets thrown away, and if I am required to purchase something for a work uniform. I don't think any of my underwear is due for disposal so no new thundies for me just yet.

When does home start to feel like home?

2009-12-01T20:16:00.005+13:00

I just realised, as I was clicking 'New Post', that I write much more frequently when I've arrived somewhere new. Lonely? Bored? Anti-social? Whatever the reason, I suppose it makes sense.

It's nice how quiet it is here, just listening to the birds outside and, earlier, the rain falling. Last night I glanced outside to see the edges of an amazing sunset framed in my window and I raced down the street and around the corner to get a proper look at it over the lake. I think that this is just the kind of small town I could call home for a long time. Except that it's not really near the beach. As in the ocean beach, the kind of beaches that really, let's face it, are back in the North Island. But instead, there is a refreshingly cold (read: I thought my whole body was going numb when I went in for about thirty seconds today) and beautifully clear lake virtually right on my doorstep. I'm surrounded by the rugged peaks of, uh, um, Fiordland National Park. (Better work on my geography of the area.) It's stunning. Why wouldn't I want to live here?

Of course, there's the part where I have to get used to being in a new place with people that I don't know. Which you would think I might be used to by now. But usually I'm in a new place with other people who are also in a new place, and we all live in the same place. This time it's different. And really, the last time I really went somewhere totally new with totally new people was to Australia. I've been moving and travelling a lot this year, but there's always been someone or lots of someones that I know. Going back to New Hampshire is hardly going to a new place. New Hampshire is home. And hopefully Te Anau will come to feel like home, too.

There's a moth in my room

2009-11-29T22:20:00.003+13:00

Aside from continuing to settle in, eating meals for one, and not realising how late it is because it gets darker so much later than in Auckland, I have been learning some facts. Llamas, unlike their cousin the alpaca, do not have eyelashes. They both spit, but mostly at one another. Also, I wondered about the purple and pink flowers that are abundantly splattered on the surrounds of Lake Tekapo (pictured) - I had a feeling they were invasive and it turns out I was right. They are known as Russell lupins, or Lupinus polyphyllus, and are detrimental to the ecosystems of braided river beds, particularly in the Canterbury region. These flowers are also often seen lining roadsides and although pretty, are quite aggressive and damaging to native flora and fauna.*

AND, Land Information New Zealand have re-done their Topo maps. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am quite behind on this newsflash.

* Department of Conservation: Threats and Impacts - Russell Lupin

Welcome to Southland

2009-11-28T20:32:00.004+13:00

This morning I arrived in Te Anau, my new home... for now. It has been a journey of just over four days, 2295km and a small fortune in gas. I visited friends and family along the way, discovered beautiful places like Pelorus Bridge, and was scared of Terrifying Gale Force Winds vs. Car With Kayak.

I've just about unpacked and settled in. With clothes in drawers and pictures on the wall and pictures that fall off the wall, it's nice to feel like I live somewhere. Home was nice but I knew it was really only in transit. Besides, I don't even have drawers at home. Although at least my pictures don't fall off the wall. I may have just lost some faith in Command adhesives.

I can't believe it's almost December. This year has been full of adventures. Australia. Back to New Hampshire. Whirlwind of Europe. I really have done a lot. And spent a lot. Which is not so good, but it was worth it. Just a bit crap when I realise that this time last year I was debt free. But, best not to worry about that, since there's nothing else I can do except start working again. Which I will be in a few days.

So, new phase of my life. Until at least April-ish. Then, who knows what after that. As usual.

Summer storms

2009-08-23T11:07:00.002+12:00

I have just been biking in the rain in some very large puddles that could easily be mistaken for small lakes. It was awesome. I might go out again and do it more, since the thunder has inhibited my ability to go swimming instead. I love this kind of weather, so exciting, refreshing and fun. Never mind that it's supposed to be summer, storms kick ass.

We did, however, have some true summer weather earlier this week and over last weekend. We had our hottest days of the season starting the day after the last kids left camp. No matter, all that hot sweaty humidity could be saved for plenty of swimming, camper-free. The other day I thoroughly enjoyed some good swimming and relaxing at Willard Pond with Ellery (who I re-met two Fridays ago) and was introduced to Gleason's Fall, a truly satisfying river jumping experience. The only thing missing from this summer so far is the ocean, and I think, due to the absence of excessive salt covering the body, I can let that one slide.

In just over two weeks I am flying out of Boston to discover and experience Europe. Maybe from a touristic point of view but let's be real, I'M GOING TO EUROPE! I have a few days in London where I'll meet up with Lauren before joining our Topdeck tour - 9 countries in 22 days - followed by another three weeks of visiting friends and doing a little exploring on our own.

Then, back to New Zealand to realize that I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Sounds familiar.

You know it's Friday when...

2009-07-12T07:39:00.002+12:00

When you get the keys to the Ranger so you can drive it somewhere, open the door, climb in, and find yourself in the passenger seat. And not only that, you realise too late that you re not only driving the truck but the trailer, too.

That was yesterday, and other than my driver's seat mis-location and inability to check the rear-view (I promise I am usually a better driver, although I must admit to some sub-par parking with the van today) it was a beautifully sunny but uneventful day. It was also the last day of the first session of camp. It rained a LOT. It has rained a lot over the last month. And now, almost mid-July there seems to be some sign of summer actually being here.

Lots has been going on. Nothing in particular stands out at the moment. I have been a regular "Polar Bear" swimmer (and often the only one, not surprising at 7am and in this unseasonably cool weather). I've joined Couch Surfing. I went to the Hillsborough Hot Air Balloon Festival last night. Last weekend was filled with 4th of July fireworks celebrations. Some people I haven't seen in a long time arrived to visit yesterday. There were some French kids at camp last session and I tried to practise on them.

This morning was beautiful and sunny and warm but now it has clouded over and cooled off a bit. Still planning on doing some kayaking on the pond, will be nice to be out on the water even with the wind.

Summer, here we come

2009-06-07T09:21:00.004+12:00

Things are about to get very busy very soon. This weekend I am in the middle of taking a WFA (Wilderness First Aid) class which is always a good time. The other day my work day involved building fires, testing the zip line on the ropes course, canoeing, swimming and being backboarded. Okay so maybe the swimming part wasn't legitimate work but everything else was. And everyone needs a break. But then I, of course, had to go back to the office and do officey stuff which, while interesting enough, does not sound as exciting. To make things even better, the weather has been wonderfully sunny and warm. Thumbs up. The really busy stuff starts on Monday when we begin specialized training for Adventure Camp.

And that's that. Here we go!

Jeremiah was a bullfrog

2009-05-25T09:59:00.005+12:00

It is great to be back, despite being sick for the second time since arriving and certain other crappy stuff going on in my head. Spring is so green and refreshing, and I love how quintessentially New England my surroundings are. New Hampshire is beautiful. Which makes me want to quote Hutch who, the other day, said "New Hampshire is beautiful, but New Zealand is epic." True story.

I've climbed Mt. Monadnock. I saw a porcupine. I've played with an adorable small child. I've worked some ropes courses. I've soaked up some sunshine on a couple of wonderfully warm days, bathing in eighty degrees of goodness. I have yet to go swimming as I feel that it wouldn't be great for my cold. I discovered the neti pot. I have been reunited with chocolate covered pretzels from Maggie's. I've spent way too much money at EMS.

And I saw a lot of bullfrogs today. Cool.

It doesn't really feel like much time has passed since I've arrived, but I've been here almost three weeks. Time's a funny thing I suppose. And being here has reminded me of how much I love New Hampshire, Peterborough, the people here and all the things that make this place a home to me.

My second home

2009-05-08T12:17:00.003+12:00

I'm back in New Hampshire. And aside from the weather being disappointingly like how it was at home (cold and rainy), it is awesome. It's almost as if I had never left. It's just so normal to be around camp, working in the office, seeing everyone again. I'm really looking forward to the summer and seeing a lot more people who I haven't seen in a while.

The flights and airport loitering was long but uneventful, over thirty hours from leaving my house to arriving at camp. I seem to have adjusted quickly to the time difference, feeling a bit groggy when I wake up but not too bad during the day. It's always much harder going back, I've found.

Not much to report, just been settling in, catching up with people, getting started on a bit of work. Summer will be here before I know it and be the one big crazy whirlwind I know it will be.

In no particular order

2009-04-23T15:33:00.002+12:00

I'm home.

I've been on an awesome road trip. To Melbourne. From Tea Gardens. I saw Wicked. We went to the Great Ocean Road. We listened to Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects many, many times.

I met a guy.

I started Trading Up. With Emma. Supposedly one day we are going to write a book together based upon our trading adventure.

James Nash is a legend.

I'm leaving again in about twelve days.

I've let my greenness slip a little while I've been away. Shame on me.

I'm currently listening to the Barenaked Ladies.

I briefly visited the grounds of my intermediate and primary schools the other day. So weird.

Lauren is joining me in Europe!

Had my US visa interview today. I think they purposely employ the most intimidating interviewers possible to instill fear in the applicants.

The other night I went to Hamilton for dinner. I ate the richest cheesecake in the world.

I'm in an odd mood and I don't like it.

Same old same old

2009-04-01T22:35:00.000+13:00

Nothing new, just the same old things going on. Loving the rain we are having. I think I like it especially since I live in a perpetual summer. But I really do love some serious rain. Puddles are awesome. High water on the dam is cool, even when it overflows onto the walkway. Listening to the rain makes me happy. I want to run and dance around in it. If only my shoes weren't soaking. Well it's not so much my shoes I care about, it's my soggy feet.

Scrapped the Contiki tour in favour of a Top Deck tour, goes to all the same places pretty much, except I'll be camping out instead of staying in hostels and whatnot. That's cool with me. Besides we will apparently have air mattresses. Sweet.

That's pretty much it.

2009-03-10T17:36:00.003+13:00

Loving the location, loving the people, not loving the job. Not going to go into it because tired of thinking about it. Suffice to say that I have just had five days off in a row.

Some good news: Not only have I found a cheaper flight for my travels, I also discovered that I will get a fairly substantial US tax refund. Which makes the hours I spent trying to figure it out all worthwhile.

What are my travels exactly? As you may or may not be aware, I'm planning a short trip to Europe after my final summer in New Hampshire. The plan at this stage is to spend two or three weeks (preferably three, but depends on how far I think I can stretch my limited funds) on a Contiki tour, followed by doing my own thing and visiting some friends.

I was going to tidy up my room today but, as you can probably guess, that hasn't really happened.

I found someone with whom to speak in French! Though I usually only seem them over the weekend. I am quite out of practice, and realised that it has been quite some time since I've had to say "J'ai un frère et une sœur" or "J'habite en Nouvelle-Zélande"! Although by "found" I really mean I have known him since not long after I first arrived here and only recently admitted to him that I knew any French at all (because my pronunciation, in my opinion, is enough to make me want to keep that fact to myself!). But, to be fair, I can read and write French much better than I can have a conversation in it. As long as I can avoid using le subjonctif I think I will be okay!

One month until the last day of term, then road trip to Melbourne to visit a couple of friends and fly home from there.

Beyond the creek

2009-03-02T11:58:00.003+13:00

What an awesome weekend. Emma, Tim and I picked up supplies, packed our gear and ventured into the semi-unknown. A lazy paddle back down Bundabah creek, and beyond. Kayaking, floating, lots of snack breaks. Paddling to a secluded little cove in Port Stephens. Swimming, relaxing in the sun, more swimming, more relaxing in the sun. Making dinner, watching the sun set, eating fallen dinner from the ground, appreciating vanilla custard and chocolate fingers. Camping out on the beach, watching lightning in the distance, sleeping under the stars. An even lazier paddle on the way back, floating, drifting, appreciating the wind being in our favour. Eating lunch up in a tree. Jumping from the tree into the creek. Canon balls off a random dock. Good times. Finished our day up later that night by enjoying a Sunday roast. What more could you want?

In less positive news, I have another ear infection. How does this happen?? Never had one in my whole life and then I get two in the space of two weeks. Weird, and not to mention completely crappy lame-o. I felt pretty under the weather this morning when I woke up, but by some stroke of luck I'm not actually working today so that's good. Except for the fact that the reason I'm not working is because somehow they forgot to put me on the roster. Great. Will find out at some point today what I'm doing for the rest of the week, but a bit miffed that I'm missing out on a day's pay because they stuffed up. Because I would have worked today; the other week I got a doctor's note saying I was "unfit to work" but still did except for taking a night activity off. Anyway, best to see the positive and enjoy a day to relax, catch up on sleep (because, despite an incredibly comfortable location, slept very poorly on the beach) and hopefully feel much better tomorrow because of it.

Paddling the Bundabah; Jazz on the Green

2009-02-22T23:05:00.004+13:00

What a stellar day. Canoeing down the creek for a few hours, a leisurely paddle with lovely company. Good weather for it, sunny but cloudy, warm but not too hot. Our next adventure is to paddle all the way to the ocean, camp out on the beach for the night and paddle back the next day. It was really nice to be out on the water and get to know some of the others here a bit better. This afternoon a whole lot of us went to "Jazz on the Green", which was free live jazz music at the golf club. Apparently this happens on the last Sunday of every month, so we will be back. It was really pleasant and relaxing sitting in the sun and listening to some chilled out music. I felt like I had a really worthwhile day. We have plans to be pro-active about future adventures and seeing more of our local area, exploring and experiencing. I realised this weekend while trying to figure out flights and dates and so on, that I'm only working here for seven more weeks, and it's already been six since I first arrived! Time is going by very quickly and I really do want to get a chance to see what I can while I'm here.

In other news:

* It appears to have stopped raining.
* I am now the proud owner of a worm farm.
* I had my first ever ear infection this week and it destroyed me. Feeling much better now.
* Salads are a staple for me over the weekend.
* I get back to New Zealand on the 18th of April.
* I think I will be flying to New Hampshire in the first week of May, but that is yet to be confirmed.

2009-02-17T21:06:00.001+13:00

Still raining. Still loving it.

2009-02-16T22:05:00.000+13:00

I can hear lots of frogs outside and I like it.

2009-02-16T10:46:00.002+13:00

Although I have been thoroughly enjoying the rain, I must admit that I was relieved that it was no longer raining when I awoke this morning. Though I believe there is still more rain coming. I also quite happily discovered that I am not working today. Which means I could do any number of things, like creating my own personal vermicomposting bin. I decided that since I'm trying to eat more raw foods on the weekend, that the disposal of fruit and vegetable waste into the regular bin needs to be remedied. Not that I have anything to actually do with the compost that will be created, but at least it can break down properly and go back to the earth. Which pretty much seems like it's only worth making myself feel better, seeing as it's only going to be my own bin, and no one else really lives over this side of camp and thus won't be using it, so how much difference can it make, really? Maybe a negligable amount, but I have to start living my values myself instead of just waiting for the "right time" to be in a place that supports them. Then I can think about imposing my ideas on other people. Haha. Have to walk the talk, right?

'Talk' is actually quite a weird word. Say it a few times. Look at it some more. See?

Rain rain rain

2009-02-15T18:12:00.002+13:00

It has been raining. A lot. I have been loving it. First, I was just glad that it was no longer over 30 degrees. Then I just loved listening to the rain, feeling it falling down on me, its soothing and relaxing ambiance.

I just hand washed my work shirts outside in rainwater (because really, they're not going to get that much cleaner in the washing machine), armed with Eco Store laundry liquid and feeling good about not using up tap water to do so. I wish I could say I had saved water by doing this, but in reality I will be doing a load of laundry next weekend anyway. Although, by doing one bigger load next week instead of two slightly smaller loads now and next week I suppose I am saving some water. Especially since I discovered that our washing machine, when set to "Normal" and a warm wash/cold rinse uses 126 LITRES OF WATER. I was horrified. It makes me never want to wash my clothes again. Should I start washing all my clothes with dam water? Is that going to use more or less water? How much water does our washing machine at home use?? How much longer will things take to dry if they are hand wrung? Is it possible to still find one of those olden day hand operated wringing things? What are they called? And is this really a practical way to wash sheets?

Then there's the problem of drying. Which is not a problem during typical Australian weather, and I have pledged to try not to use the tumble dryer the entire time I am here, but it has been wet and rainy since last Wednesday and it is meant to continue to rain until at least next Friday. There is limited indoor hanging/drying space and being much cooler things tend to take longer to dry. Especially if you only squeezed the water out by hand. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will either be wearing a wet shirt tomorrow or not have anyone notice that I'm not wearing it since I will be all raingeared up anyway.

I finished all my assessments at work this week, meaning that I will go onto full pay and hopefully have a group of my own next week, as opposed to shadowing and assisting. Which has been good, but it gets a bit boring when you are rostered on the same activity multiple times. Plus, it's nice to have your own group of kids to get to know and work with throughout the week. Although that being said, the groups are usually quite large and many schools only come for three days. Now that I have been here for a month (it definitely went by quickly!) things are falling into place and I am getting used to how things work here. That's not to say that there aren't things I wished were a bit different, and I definitely do compare it to BUSC often, but it's interesting to see how another outdoor centre works and I also enjoy getting to know the other instructors here.

Had a fun, and interesting, weekend away from camp. Met up with Jono in Hunter Valley, who I have not seen for ages, and wasted an hour and a half of our lives watching Anacondas 3. Don't get me wrong, we knew it was going to be bad, especially since it features David Hasselhoff, but we were hoping for the hilarious kind of bad. We were greatly disappointed.

Bread, and kids

2009-02-02T23:51:00.005+13:00

This morning I was disillusioned about this place by bread, but by the time kids were here this afternoon I was feeling much better.

Yes, bread. And the throwing away of it. I have never so seriously considered dumpster diving in my life, after recalling reading a piece on it in The Ethics of What We Eat. Before the kids arrived we did set up jobs and helping out in the kitchen (they cook for camp and also meals served in the attached service station) which involved throwing away a lot of bread and bread products. I understand that a lot of bread and other food items in the world are thrown away every day, and at least this bread was already the remains of unwanted supermarket bread, but seeing a huge trash bag full of bread that I considered still very edible was greatly depressing. Could we not donate it somewhere? Are there food banks? I think that this, on top of the lack of recycling, really made me feel let down about the non-existence of environmentalism here.

It sort of makes me not want to be here, in the sense that it is so against my growing enviro-values, but then shouldn't I want to be here to try and change things? How does one go about making these kinds of changes? Especially when I am still figuring it out for myself, and when I am only going to be here for a few months?

That aside, I had a fun afternoon with the kids, a group from an all girls school. Really glad to see how things run once schools are here and start getting into the fun of being an outdoor instructor. We did, however, have burgers for lunch which was strangely reminiscent of Monday lunches at Sargent Center. Which sadly, is closing at the end of August. Which in turn makes me really glad that I am planning on being back there for its final summer.

Today, yesterday, the day before yesterday, and all the days before that

2009-02-01T18:46:00.006+13:00

Today, we went to the beach. 'We' referring to a bunch of staff from Bush Camp. The wind was lovely and cool and much appreciated in the hotness that is Australia. The sea was cold but refreshing. Sand, as one would expect, got everywhere. I ate a Cadbury Creme Egg and we commented that they seem to have shrunk in size.

Yesterday, before dinner, a few of us floated on the pond in rubber tubes, wine glasses in hand. We are all class. Very relaxing pre-dinner drinks, especially after a particularly tiring morning doing our Bronze Medallion swim test. I somehow survived even though I thought I was going to die after the first of eight laps. I am not a swimmer.

The day before yesterday we had the day off and after a productive morning getting a bank account and picking up a few things in town, I had a wonderfully lazy afternoon, including more swimming and floating in the pond.

And for many days preceding that, in no particular order, I have: been training and getting assessed in skills and rescues at camp; been home to be a part of Julie's wedding; met a friend of mine for the first time in real life, ever; been swimming a lot; had many pleasant kangaroo encounters; seen a diamondback python outside my room; created a washing line; avoided lots of plastic and Styrofoam, including - but not limited to - never consuming snow cones, and a request to have my milkshake put into a coffee mug. But I forgot to ask for no straw. Rookie mistake.

There is no recycling here. It makes me want to cry. On the plus side, it has forced me to limit my consumption of things in plastic bottles that I usually don't think about because I can recycle them. Which of course has reminded me that of course I consume many things that still involve plastic being thrown away (like milk, but what would I do without milk??) and thinking of ways I can reduce that. I am thinking of adopting a raw foods diet for the weekends when we have to provide our own food. Which I hope might not only reduce my plastics and throwaways consumption but might result in some healthier eating. We will see. It's difficult when my room is far away from the house that contains fridge and kitchen.

It is uncomfortably hot here, making me really appreciate the windy gusts blowing through the window right now, and of course, proximity to the pond. It's more commonly referred to as the dam, and is about as clear as Halfmoon Pond, which isn't saying much. The best part is access to inner tubes, enabling lazy floating, ability to pour wine while on the water, and often, much hilarity. I like the people here, though the girls seem severely outnumbered by the male population. Together we comprise of Aussies, Kiwis and Brits. We, the new staff, start shadowing groups next week to get us ready to get checked off on running lessons and activities on our own. It's going to be a lot of hours, but at least I know I'll be sleeping well. And I'm definitely looking forward to being around kids again.

2009

2009-01-02T15:57:00.002+13:00

Yesterday was one of those hot, sweaty summer days. But it was a beautiful day, and I spent some time at the beach, and in good company. Today has been temperate and rainy and I have been inside. How Auckland.

I feel like I am supposed to have resolutions or something profound to say, but I don't. Just another day, just another year. Yet I still do feel like I am about to start the next part of my life, but more because I just happen to be in between things rather than because it is a new year.

But it is a new year. Beginning with having a plan for the year but still no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have a sneaking suspicion that is how the year will end, too. I have a whole year to figure out if I am okay with that.

2008-12-26T14:28:00.002+13:00

It is a gorgeous day out. But yet I find myself not only inside, but wearing sweatpants. And earlier I had a hoodie on. What is wrong with me? At least it was bright orange. What kind of excuse is that anyway?

I told my mum I would brave the craziness and go to the mall with her later this afternoon. We're crossing our fingers that it will have calmed down from earlier in the day when we can only assume masses of people everywhere and no parking. It's an educated assumption, I used to work there. Plus, it's Boxing Day. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the shopping centre situation.

As usual, I feel like I should be taking advantage of the nice weather. But I'm sort of enjoying relaxing, eating a lot and listening to music. Ignore the minus eating a lot of food part, and that's pretty much what I do anyway. Although, to be fair, I do get out and do things occasionally. Like going away to kayak on Lake Rotoiti. Getting the worst t-shirt tan in history. Joining my mum in grocery shopping. And walking to the library. I'm so extreme.

Only two weeks before I head to Australia. I can't believe it. I wish I had a bit more to show for myself over the last six weeks. All I have is a pile of books I've read, an even bigger pile I haven't read, and a bad tan. But the last few days I've enjoyed relaxing for the sake of relaxing. Possibly because it's Christmas, and at Christmas time, doing nothing seems more legitimate somehow. Because that's what we do; we eat a lot food, lounge around, eat more food, watch movies on TV. That's how we roll. Well that's how we roll at Christmas time anyway.

What else? I lost the book challenge. Lauren managed to get three books ahead of me! Yikes. I think I destroyed any chances of winning when I spent a week reading one book. My bad.

Earlier today I sent an email to the people at Global Soap. I have been using their soapnuts to wash my clothes for a few weeks, but they came packaged in a plastic bag. So I finally got around to checking out their website and found out that it is a "biodegradable polybag". I'm not really sure what that means. I looked it up and found an article that said that the degradation of such bags requires sunlight, heat, air, that sort of thing. So really, in a landfill, it couldn't really break down could it? Could it be composted? Surely it would take too long to break down to be useful in compost? I don't think it can but I don't really know. But in an anaerobic state, such as in a landfill, even newspapers won't break down as quickly as they would have had they had contact with air. Read more about that here.
Anyway, I emailed them to encourage them to consider the overall environmental impact of their soapnut packaging and made some suggestions (paper packaging? compostable cornstarch "plastic"? bulk bin supplies?). Am I just being pedantic? We can't all do everything. They are a New Zealand company, producuing natural bath products. That's more than I can say for most of the bath and related products in our house. But it takes time to phase out things. Especially when you're not the one buying these items for the house.

2008-12-17T20:06:00.002+13:00

What's wrong with me? Why am I too lazy to go out and enjoy some company? Is it really because I don't want to drive? Well, I don't want to drive. Is it because it's with people who I haven't seen in ages? Shouldn't that make me more likely to want to go? Am I just being really anti-social? Am I suffering preemptive and completely unnecessary social anxiety? Sometimes I do get antsy about being with people with whom I am not that close. Or people I don't know. But I do know these people. And anyway, I'm usually more antsy thinking about being social than actually being social. And I know that. Am I just withdrawing from too much time by myself? That's stupid. Why don't I just go to these things?

Summer days

2008-12-08T20:30:00.004+13:00

I love summer. And I love the beach. And I especially love summer at the beach. Over the weekend I managed to soak up some sunshine at Kohimarama and Eastern Beaches. Glorious sunshine, refreshing swims and good company.

I've been reading - slowly ploughing through The Omnivore's Dilemma - and also not reading. I purged myself of unnecessary paper as I recycled volumes of old school work. I washed my clothes with soapnuts. I lined up some easy cleaning work for some quick cash. And I've played a lot of Scrabble. Today I reached my personal best high score of 499. It was a momentous occasion.

As of late

2008-12-02T20:49:00.003+13:00

In recent news, I have a) accepted a temporary job in Australia, and b) finally got off my butt and done something more active. I joined an Auckland Hiking Group, care of meetup and have since been on a hike around the Whatipu / Pararaha Valley area. It was great fun, an incredible work out for my poor legs (all that sand!) and the heart, which upon going uphill, seemed to increase its rate rather rapidly, indicating that my idle month has done nothing for my fitness; and good to meet some new people, including a potential kayaking partner. Anyway, it was a beautiful day and a good chance to go back to a place I've been before. A quality adventure.

And c) more reading. I've made the changeover to fiction for faster reading but that doesn't solve the problem of multiple non-fiction books I have out from the library. I think it might be back to The Omnivore's Dilemma after my latest Carl Hiaasen novel. I am up to book six, and Lauren is at least a book ahead of me so I have been doing my best not to fall further behind. A free book is high stakes!

I've played mini golf. Watched my weekly doses of Heroes and The Big Bang Theory. Discovered the "change subjects" option on Free Rice - it's getting addictive. Doing crosswords from several weeks' worth of NZ Herald Puzzle Mania. Generally being a lady of leisure. And going to the dentist.

Mr. Blue Sky

2008-11-27T19:09:00.005+13:00

Outside, it has been a beautiful day and the sky so, so blue. Why on earth have I spent it inside?

On the other hand, I have been reading; at the moment, Faster by James Gleick (rather ironically, in a rush to try and read more books than Lauren). I've visited a friend. I booked a flight.

Yes, a flight. Once again, any knowledge of me will reveal that I like to travel. Yesterday I accepted a job in Australia working for an outdoor education company. It all happened very quickly at the same time as the possibility of another, local job offer and was instantly appealing. The time frame suited them perfectly - that is, starting in January and finishing around May, before my probable return to New Hampshire. I'll fly over to Sydney, heading a few hours north for training, come back for Julie's wedding (somewhat impractical, but these things happen and I assuaged my guilt by paying to offset my CO2 emissions) and then return the following week to start work. Still, not sure how I plan on spending the next six weeks (really? that's all??) but hopefully somewhat productively.

Sun is shinin' in the sky,
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin'
Everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day.

(Above lyrics from Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra.)

Natural hair care update

2008-11-27T13:31:00.002+13:00

Although the eggs have left my hair soft and shiny (though, since I never really pay much attention to my hair, I can't be sure how much more or less soft and shiny it is compared to before), my hair seems to need washing more often. Every second day instead of every third. If you know me at all, you will know that I don't always shower every day, so you can imagine that how, in my opinion, hair washing every time I shower may seem excessive. Otherwise I just revealed a potentially embarrassing fact about myself. Not that I care. No one has ever noticed my lack of daily shower so, clearly, it is not having any adverse affect on their olfactory senses.

Anyway, back to the hair. I enjoy the lemon rinse. I also tried adding vanilla essence to the eggs just to enjoy the smell more than anything, but my hair did not hold the scent. It doesn't really hold any scent. I only tried the baking soda once, so I may try it again and see if it makes any difference to the needed frequency of washing. Or I could try just using baking soda.

Also on the baking soda front, it is working well as a deodorant. Which I am now calling "bicarbonate of odour". I found a makeup brush to use for application; and again, if you know me, you'll know that any makeup supplies I own are in a serious state of neglect.

I have yet to create the lemon hair spray, but after using a regular hair spray and inadvertently inhaling its completely unpronounceable ingredients, I was reminded why I wanted to make it in the first place.

Washing my hair with an egg

2008-11-22T19:44:00.005+13:00

Yes, I washed my hair with an egg. I conditioned with baking soda and rinsed with lemon juice. I used baking soda as deodorant. Tonight I will experiment with making a lemon juice hair spray. These surprisingly effective home concoctions are from the Home Hints & Tips: The new guide to natural, safe and healthy living by Rosamond Richardson*. Note to self: remember to strain the lemon juice before applying to hair. The baking soda deodorant (or, perhaps, baking sodarant) is still good more than five hours after application, including about forty-five minutes walking out in the sun and some underarm sweating. My hair does not smell of egg, baking soda or lemon. I will continue with these alternatives for at least a week and see how they go.

I walked down to Highland Park today with the dual purpose of popping into the Natural Health Store and going to the library. It was a beautiful day to be out. I have somehow, over the course of several days and three trips to the library amassed thirteen books, only two of which I have read so far. A few days ago, Lauren and I decided to take up the challenge of seeing who could read more books over the course of a month. Whoever "wins" receives a book of their choosing at the expense of the other person. A good incentive, I think. So far, I am almost through my first book of the challenge and have a number of serious non-fiction up my sleeve (which makes for a very heavy sleeve). I have a stack that includes The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan; The Wal-Mart Effect by Charles Fishman; and Heat by George Monbiot, among others. I also own a number of books that I haven't yet read so that I may break the seriousness with intermittent fiction.

I picked up trash my way home. I couldn't help it. It was like back in primary school when we used to go for runs for PE around the block and I would come back with rubbish that I had collected along the way. Or when I used to spend lunchtimes picking up rubbish on school grounds. Yeah, I was that kid. Anyway, after wishing I had remembered to stow handy plastic bags into my own bag - and wisely picking up pieces of trash that were containers themselves, I did what I had to do. I even separated the recyclable items. Yeah, I'm that kid.

*Hair Care from Home Hints & Tips:

Instead of using shampoo, beat an egg and massage it into the scalp. Rinse in warm water, and use the juice of half a lemon in the final rinse for added shine.
If you suffer from dandruff, massage pure apple juice into the scalp, leave for several minutes, then rinse off. Or mix 2 teaspoons of cider vinegar to 1 cup water and massage in.
Rub baking soda into wet hair after shampooing, massaging it in well. Rinse out. Baking soda makes a fabulous conditioner, leaving your hair beautifully soft.
Add cider vinegar to the final rinse to add shine.

Mostly just to remind myself of what I should be doing

2008-11-20T20:09:00.001+13:00

In praise of making a spectacle of living green.

2008-11-09T20:01:00.006+13:00

I'm going to Kaitaia. To wwoof. And I am excited about it. Of all the possible plans for my next month, this is what I wanted to do most and most in the direction of my journey to simplify. I will be up there for a month, and have no idea what I'm doing afterwards, but I'm okay with that.

I'm trying out a natural allergy remedy. Day 1: no noticeable difference. May need to increase dosage. Am considering an electric air purifier. My allergies/asthma have not been good since I got home. Who knows exactly which allergens lurking in the air are the main cause but I'm tired of feeling like I'm sick all the time.

I've allowed myself to be swallowed back into a world of television and am attempting to watch all 33 episodes of Seasons 1 & 2 of Heroes before Wednesday night. Clearly, a much wiser plan would be to record the Season 3 opening and calm down on the crazy Heroes watching (especially since I will be missing multiple episodes due to a lack of television in Kaitaia) but I have never been one to be practical. Ooh wait, can't you watch episodes online on the NBC website?

Yes! You can! What have I been thinking? Why didn't I think of this earlier? Because they are only available for about six weeks after their original US airdate. Episode 3 is available until tomorrow. Which is no good because it's over a week away before Episode 2 airs here. Oh man, what a dilemma. Either I have to skip episodes, or have someone record them and wait until I get back. OR wait until it is out on DVD.

I can't believe I just devoted two paragraphs to a television show. And worse, appeared to show far more emotion about it than going to Kaitaia. Don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to going up there (and reminding myself that I actually don't care as much about TV than it appears), but like anyone else, I too get sucked into suspenseful electricity-using and therefore carbon-emitting (changing to Meridian would have increased our power bill which wasn't a favourable option to the billpayer) television shows.

Which reminds me; I was on a mission to convince my parents to change their power company from Mercury to Meridian, and despite my efforts and calculations, the final result was that we would have to pay approximately NZD $3 per day extra than on our current plan, which is over $1000 extra per year. Since I'm not the bill payer, I (fairly enough) don't really have any say so I will have to wait until I pay my own bills. But even then, it's hard not to turn down saving a thousand dollars a year. Is there a way we can get Meridian to lower their prices? Or force other power companies to change to greener energy? Should I start writing letters? Is that enough? Is there more I could do? That we could do?

Merely moments later...
Okay. So I'm not actually going to Kaitaia. Perhaps I was being a bit preemptive, but in a loss of communication between emailing one person and talking to their partner on the phone today, they already have someone going up there. I just spoke on the phone with the one who I didn't talk to earlier a minute ago, they both seem really nice and will keep me posted if their current person doesn't work out, and let me know if a friend of theirs in Kerikeri needs anyone. Oh well. Back to having no idea what I'm doing...

2008-11-09T14:32:00.004+13:00

Yes, still clicking links and reading blogs. The following passage really stuck out to me today. I think it speaks for itself.

Last year I asked my 4-year-old son what he would ask Santa to bring him for Christmas. Secretly I thought he would ramble a little and I could lay in bed for a couple more winks before getting up. He was quiet before he said, "That's okay. I have enough." I opened my eyes to his big genuine smile and it brought tears to my eyes. He wasn't kidding. In this jaded world sometimes it takes the love and wisdom of a child to make us really think about what is important.

Read the whole post here.

From 5 Minutes for Going Green.

2008-11-08T22:31:00.002+13:00

I'm back.

Well, I've been back for about a week. Not doing much. Which is nice, because I'm always free to do whatever I want but it's also fast sending me down the track to unmotivated-ville. There are, of course, good things. Seeing and catching up with and hanging out and playing crazy card games and Scrabble and eating dinners and fattening desserts and over-iced cupcakes with friends and family who I haven't seen in a while. Taking a bigger and slightly more active interest (this is very relative, you must understand) in our government and policies. Since being in the company of liberal democrats and the lead up and election of Barack Obama as the next US President, I have taken more of an interest in not only the US election but, of course, our own. To be fair, I did not seek out all possible information, but I made an effort to make an informed choice, in the interests of our country and the environment. I am not so well-versed in the political scene as to go into great details but I feel like I have taken a step forward. (I say that, but here I am blogging while the election coverage is on TV.) I have lots to learn and lots of reading to do. And I have been reading a lot on various blogs of people who are or are trying to live more sustainably, be more environmentally friendly, buy locally, be plastic-free, all of that stuff that I'm trying to find out more about so that I can change the way I do things, day by day. I almost feel like I need to stay at home and figure it out because every single thing I do has an impact and I ought to calculate what has the least possible impact before I do it and assess if perhaps I should be doing it at all. I think I need to do something that's concrete, has lines. Because you can't do everything all at once. That's overwhelming and seems like it's too hard. Like the Rubbish Free Year couple. It's a defined plan, that by nature, leads to a certain way of living. That's why I want to go wwoofing. Learning and doing, all at once.

2008-10-23T23:51:00.002+13:00

Still loitering on the east coast, in the mellow beach town of Cherating. It's very quiet here. Has a kind of deserted feel about it, like they set it up for tourists years ago and then forgot about it. In actuality it's just the low season kicking in, but it feels a bit empty. It's nice though, just chilling as we draw towards the end of our travels. We upgraded accommodation this morning because after a night in a dirty, creepy room where something chewed a hole in my backpack to get to the remains of a cookie that wasn't that good anyway, I wanted somewhere cleaner with a shower that wasn't just a stream of water coming out of the wall. I suspect our room at the first place may not be representative of all their rooms (and for their sake, I hope not) since it was the only one left, and it does actually have a very cosy bar with couches, blinking lights and lots of character. And it has books, which automatically makes me happy. We're probably going to hang around here for another day just winding down, before heading back to Singapore.

Day 23

2008-10-21T00:18:00.003+13:00

Only a week left! It's unbelievable. We just spent a week enjoying the beautiful island of Perhentian Kecil. Incredibly clear water, sandy beaches and gloriously sunny days. It was amazing. Reading on the beach, swimming, snorkelling, eating at beachfront cafés... and just generally lazing about. It was wonderful. We went on a snorkelling trip to various points around the island, seeing all kinds of colourful fish and coral, as well as swimming with reef sharks and sea turtles! So cool. We had originally intended to only stay for four or five days, but as soon as we arrived we almost just decided to spend the rest of our trip there! It was just so, so nice. The only downsides were a) getting a cold (on a tropical island - lame!) and b) being the start of the low season, only having electricity from 7pm - 5am-ish. Which is fine except for waking up in an uncomfortable sweat. Otherwise it was everything you could ever want and more.

Now we are back on the mainland, in Kuala Terengganu. Internet, laundry, all the really exciting stuff. We'll explore tomorrow before heading further down the coast the following day. I'm pretty spent just from being in transit today (boat, waiting for the bus, taking the bus, trying to locate our accommodation) so probably another early night (which, really, is no different to most other nights for me!). When we were waiting for the bus today, I was almost convinced that there was a town-wide conspiracy where locals send unknowing travellers to wait at a mysterious bus stop for a bus that will never come. We waited an hour and a half for a bus that we were periodically told by different people would arrive at 1:00, 1:30, 2:00 and 2:30. At a very un-bus-stop-like corner under a tree by a bridge. I imagined people driving by, laughing to themselves about a pair of luggage-laden tourists foolishly waiting on the side of the road. The bus finally came at 2:37.

2008-10-13T00:59:00.002+13:00

I have a confession to make. I haven't been recycling since arriving in Asia. I feel horribly guilty about it. But either places to recycle are not apparent, or they are just not there. I feel even more guilty because there was one place (in Kuala Tahan) where I discovered a recycling receptacle but forgot to bring my recycling and I daresay it ended up being thrown away in the regular trash. Sadly it seems that it is not common practice and even where it exists seems inaccessible or inconvenient, which unfortunately means a greater likelihood of people not recycling. I am almost compelled to come back and somehow make recycling happen. How does one even go about doing that? I read somewhere that there is a recycling programme with which you can volunteer, called REACH, in the Cameron Highlands in Malaysia. I feel like now that I see such a great need for recycling to happen in this part of the world that I have to do something about it. But I can't do everything. But what am I doing? I guess I have plans to simplify dramatically when I return home. And that's where I want to be. And we have to start somewhere. Start small, get bigger. Although, having read Colin Beavan AKA No Impact Man's blog, we need to make bigger changes now, not later. Apparently we are running out of time. What to do?

Melting in Malaysia

2008-10-10T19:18:00.000+13:00

Current location: Kota Bharu
Previous location: Gua Musang
Next up: Pulau Perhentian

In summary: All is going well, the heat is incredibly sweat-inducing and uncomfortable, and this morning was our last train ride of the trip. We are near the Thai border and the rest of our journey will take us down the east coast of the peninsula.

It is Day 13 of our adventure and we will be spending a couple of days in Kota Bharu, where we plan to check out the market scene, maybe visit some temples and possibly spend a day in Thailand - pending the sketchiness of the border.

To rewind a little... our first night we left Singapore on the train headed for Gemas, where we arrived at midnight, hoping (perhaps foolishly) that one of the places to stay nearby would still be open. They weren't. But by a stroke of luck, and the first act of kindness performed upon us, a random guy in the street hooked us up at an already closed hotel (though I use the term "hotel" lightly) across from the train station. People here have been very friendly and helpful so far, and very welcoming to foreigners, which has been really nice.

From Gemas we departed early the next day on the train to Jerantut, where we then travelled to Kuala Tahan, small town and gateway to Taman Negara National Park. This is where we went on our jungle trek for seven days through the park, summiting the 2187m peak on the way. It was a gruelling, sweat-soaking, leech-filled, extremely physically demanding and intense hike. It was tough, and I really struggled. A lot. But it was amazing out there. We were with our guide John, and his brother Sully. They carried a lot of the gear and food, and later also a lot of my stuff. As I said, I struggled. They are lean, mean power machines! But really nice people. They are native to the area and, excuse my language, knew their shit. Some of the hike was ridiculous and extreme, involving ladders, ropes and some seriously hazardous climbing. It was crazy. At least the leeches were out of the way by then, since we were at a higher elevation. But in the first few days they were abundant and thirsty. I penned an amazing remake of the PUSA Peaches song: Millions of leeches, leeches on me / Millions of leeches, leeches on me / Leeches come from the ground / On your feet they will be found / Blood soaking through your socks / If I had my little way / I'd kill leeches every day...
We had to amuse ourselves somehow. I played a ton of games (sadly, with myself) as I was walking (or trudging or climbing or striding in rhythm) like Categories and that place name game and anything else I could think of to keep my mind occupied. Despite being in amazing surroundings, the heat of the day and the energy required to power forward really took its toll on me.
The summit was well worth all of it. The view was stunning and the feeling of being way out there with no one else around. Sunrise glowed and stretched across the clouds below and the neverending hills and peaks of the jungle rolled off into the distance. We had made it. We were still two days out from reaching the other side of the park but we had the hardest behind us. It was disappointing when we returned to leech territory, but there were some awesome waterfalls on the way back and much less crazy river crossings than a few days earlier. The final part was 14km of paved road from Kuala Juram to Sungai Relau which we were saved from by being picked up (from a park ranger type dude, who, only because John pretty much ran all the way back with his pack and found him, came to our rescue) and drove us the last few k's on a 70km per hour roller coaster ride on the back of a truck.

And that was that. We travelled back to Kuala Tahan to pick up our stuff, clean and dry our gear (words cannot describe the odours coming from my socks...) and also check out one of the orang asli villages. It was neat but sadly a tourist trap, though it was cool to see their bow drill style fire building methods and huge blow guns. It was interesting to visit but kind of inauthentic since it sounds like the people are traditionally much more nomadic but stay close to the river and town for tourists. The native people of the area are still able to hunt and live off the land within the park, but because of the large number of villages in close proximity to one another, they cannot rely on the jungle alone for food, and I presume the rest is supplemented by the tourist dollar.

From there we took the train to Gua Musang, where there is little else to do except check out a really cool limestone cave near the train station. A local, by the name of Mat, took us up there to explore the cave and climb up to the top and get a view of the town. It was a sweaty climb and a little more off the beaten path, although there was a lot of graffiti from years past. We stayed in our first accommodation with air conditioning (which was heaven) and tried out some of the local food. I was really proud of myself for figuring out how to order in Malay but was unsuccessful in asking for a meal without onions for Matt. I am slowly picking up a few more words here and there, which is particularly helpful when eating out.

The only other thing that I want to mention is how I love little kids here. They are happy and hilarious, because they yell out "Hello! Hello! Bye bye! Bye bye!" to you when you walk by and seem genuinely very excited to see foreigners and try out their English on you. It makes me smile every time.

Next up we are heading to Pulau Perhentian (or, the Perhentian Islands) to enjoy sandy beaches, snorkelling, swimming and whatever else people do on tropical islands.

Jam sandwiches taste like childhood

2008-09-25T01:33:00.004+12:00

I just got back from cycling with my cousin, Mark. It was a good adventure. I am tired, my legs are in pain and my butt cheeks are never going to forgive me. Thank goodness for the yoga class I took this morning, otherwise I might have been disowned by my own body. Actually, thank goodness this country is flat. I pretty much biked across a large chunk of Singapore. And back. It was sweet. I was shocked to realize that we started our journey a little over five hours ago. My body really hates me right now but it was fun. We cycled all the way through East Coast Park and continued on the long straight route that runs parallel to the airport's runway and to Changi Beach Park. Upon return I decided I was in dire need of refuelling and hastily consumed the aforementioned sandwiches. Oh, the days of jam sandwiches. I got so sick of them. I remember once, very clearly, when spending the day at the Howick Community Centre (back when that was what it was called) for a school holiday programme and I just really didn't want my jam sandwich and I didn't want my mum to know that I didn't eat it, so I threw it away and felt really guilty about it. Actually I still feel guilty about it. So there you go, confessions of a bread consumer.

2008-09-24T17:05:00.001+12:00

Yesterday was a busy day. I went to the Chinese and Japanese Gardens, which sadly, turned out to be a disappointment. I was entirely unimpressed. The pagoda was kind of cool but it was closed. It was way cooler seeing lizards outside the gardens before I went in. Later on I met up with one of Matt's friends from high school who now lives in Bali but was in Singapore for a couple of days. We met up, walked around getting lost, hung out for a bit and parted ways. It was fun to meet up with someone who you first met in a whole different country.

Monitor lizard

After I got back I joined my uncle and we headed out to visit the Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery. It was wonderfully peaceful as we wandered through the courtyards and admired the buildings. There is something very meditative about ambling through monastery grounds, especially as there were very few people around. Later on I met up with some relatives for dinner and after a day of a lot of walking around in the heat, I was already falling asleep on my way back from the restaurant.

2008-09-22T12:48:00.003+12:00

Last night, I slept amazingly. Why? Probably because I was exhausted. But also because, hallelujah, the temperature dropped. I awoke during the night to hear rain pouring down, hear thunder rumbling and see the sky flash with lightning. And the wind flowed freely and coolly through the window. Not only was the temperatre tolerable, it was comfortable. I was excited to fall asleep again listening to the rain and not sweating profusely. But then! Not more than a minute later, my grandma, with whom I share the room, was up. I watched, horrified, as she turned off the fan, closed the window and put on a blanket! This would not do. I couldn't possibly waste the chance of enjoying a cool breeze so I left the room and opened the windows in the apartment and stood there, watching the rain and lightning flashes, happy despite feeling far too awake for 3:30am. I pulled out the mattress to sleep by the window and managed to continue my excellent night's sleep until morning. I am refreshed, free from jetlag and back in the game.

Yesterday I went to the Botanic Gardens with my Uncle Mike. There was one moment that really stood out while we were there. My uncle was showing me a tree with a long extending horizontal branch he used to play on as a child, and we were heading over to sit on the bench-like branch. Another lady was there, poised in the curve of the tree in a reminiscent reverie. We had approached and were having someone take our picture there and she asked my uncle if he had used to play there and hearing his response said, "We all did." And in that moment as we pondered the generations of playtime on that very branch, nearby a little girl was blowing bubbles that floated past us, like memories on the wind.

2008-09-21T11:49:00.000+12:00

After taking a bus to the airport, hastily repacking due to overweight baggage, about twenty hours flying and three connections and losing my baggage, I made it to Singapore yesterday morning. Luckily, my baggage was found, and should hopefully arrive today. Singapore is just as I remember it. Hot. High rises and concrete and trees lining the streets. Courtyards and busy roads and markets.

Since arriving I have mostly been relaxing, though I ventured out yesterday to eat and discover a building of several storeys dedicated purely to electronics and other such technological devices. This is how I really know I am in Singapore. That, and the incredible heat. I think I am actually evaporating. At present I am surviving with cold showers and close proximity to fans. And I am still adjusting to the time difference. Yesterday I made the fatal mistake of taking a nap. I know that I know better. But the reason I lay down was because after so many hours of sitting while flying, and in this heat, my legs and feet felt heavy and swollen and uncomfortable. Of course lying down pretty much knocked me out and I slept for a couple of hours. So, of course, I had difficulty falling asleep (although I blame that on the fact that it is still over 80 degrees even at night) and awoke at some ridiculous hour this morning sweating far too much for my liking. And so I say to myself, welcome to Singapore.

I finally read through the Rubbish Free Year blog that I think Sam told me about and have renewed inspiration to reduce and simplify. Wwoofing is my hopeful gateway into the simpler life and having also discovered the freeconomy community, I think my return to New Zealand is going to be the start of some serious lifestyle changes. This can't be about what I would like to do in the future, this has to be about what I can and want to do, right now.

Last days...

2008-09-19T01:44:00.002+12:00

Rock climbing at Marlow with Catz. Delicious Fiddleheads pizza and fondue with the Faculty family. Hiking up Pack Monadnock with Jaime and Charlotte to observe hawk migration. Banoffee pie. My first ever game of kickball. Secret mission with Molly. Singing Wagon Wheel at Harlow's with Izzy, and Erica playing guitar. Packing. Unpacking. Repacking. Saying goodbye.

2008-09-15T07:40:00.000+12:00

humid haze, hanging
misty warmth skulking, hulking
smothering the air

Recently, in no particular order: Kimball's iceceam. Tenney Farm icecream and the discovery of A Mint Summer Night's Dream. Puddle jumping in the dark. The return of multi-person cuddling. Buying a Barenaked Ladies CD for $0.01 (it's true!). Wondering whether "!)." is a legitimate juxtaposition of punctuation. Wanting to enter photography competitions. Planning Malaysia trip. Hoping that luggage weight is under the limit.

Not much else to report. Four days until departure.

2008-09-03T12:45:00.002+12:00

I was talking to Charissa today, about how you just get used to living a certain way and having that be your lifestyle. And tied in to what someone was saying to me yesterday, about living in a community setting, makes it all the stranger to be leaving soon. It's always been somewhat hard having people come and go all the time, before I get a chance to really get to know them and get close to them, but when you get used to living a certain way... change can be difficult. It can also be exciting, but leaving here suddenly seems a lot like leaving home. I've done a whole lot more growing since being here, and am realizing more and more how much this community means to me. And I love it here. I'm already thinking of coming back for at least another summer, but do I want to come back for another long period? Or is it time to move on to the next phase of my life? Whatever that is. Is it time to find a new a community, a new home? I would love to come back next year and work another summer, but how long can I keep moving around? Am I going to continue moving around into a more nomadic lifestyle, or do I want to wind down and settle somewhere, living simply? What am I even talking about? Even though I keep finding out more about myself, every day presents more questions about how I want to live my life and what is most important to me. Then I have to remind myself to stop thinking so hard and just keep doing what makes me happy and figure it out from there.

2008-09-02T13:27:00.004+12:00

Hiked Mount Monadnock again today, this time with Jaime, Hutch, Charlotte and Rebecca. Absolutely gorgeous day. Clear, blue, blue sky. Not a cloud to be seen. Rocky and exciting climb up the Marlboro trail. Windy summit. 360 degrees of awe. It is just so cool up there. I am possibly and hopefully climbing it again before I leave. I could spend a whole day up there, it feels that good. So much to explore, absorbing the amazing view, feeling like you are on top of the world. Feeling on top of the world.

On top of the world. It makes me think of that Carpenters song, which takes me way back when to the days of cassette tapes listening to the Carpenters, Doris Day and those weird tapes we used to listen to on the way to Mahia. Man, cassette tapes. I remember buying Abba on cassette. I think it cost $21.95 (!)

2008-08-30T10:53:00.002+12:00

Yesterday. Mount Monadnock. Solid.

Best day ever! Hiked Monadnock with Griffen and his friend Nathan. Spellman trail is stellar. Lovely weather, amazing views, all-round Monadnock awesomeness. Lemon squeeze cave, impossibly possible corners, getting somewhat stuck. Sketchy climbs, liberating risks, feeling hard core. Enjoying the cool breeze, late summer sun and absorbing the view. Feeling like you are on top of the world. There's a reason it is the most hiked mountain in the world. Followed by sharing a Kimball's Special and watching Surf Ninjas*, what more could you want?

Other things as of late: blueberry and blackberry picking. Making blackberry jam with Jaime. Playing with Charlotte. Canoeing on Halfmoon Pond and trailing my feet in the water. Lying in the sun in the meadow. Actually reaching Lesson 2 of conversational Mandarin. Listening to lots of Barenaked Ladies and loving it. Figuring out the job situation for my return home. Not fully realizing just how soon I am leaving.

*The ending musical scene makes it all worthwhile.

2008-08-27T09:56:00.001+12:00

The weather has been stunningly beautiful lately. Blue, blue skies. Warm, sunny wonderfulness. It is getting cooler and even cold at nights, a nice late summer / oncoming fall weather. I am sad that I will be missing the frenzy of foliage this year, but I am sure I will be perfectly content in the tropical heat of Southeast Asia. I just cannot wait to explore sandy beaches and coral gardens and all the greatness that Malaysia's offshore islands will offer. And everything else - jungle trekking, sleeping in treehouses, the local food. So many adventures to be had! Although, everything I'm doing seems like an adventure. Being here, going back home, going backpacking, starting a new job... well that is the hope anyway. I've been looking and am really excited about the possibility of working in Tauranga. And maybe wwoofing a little when I am not working. And just exploring the area, hopefully with my sea kayak, and generally trying to simplify my life, or start getting used to simplifying. I have a crazy notion of hiking to Tauranga if I actually end up going there. And I actually mean hiking, not hitch hiking. But who knows. I clearly need to find some other way of getting my boat down there. Maybe I should just kayak down there! Wait, is that even possible? Is that a ridiculous thought? I have been thinking a lot about a lot of things but that's a new one. Anyway, the point is I don't want to own a car (though it would be very handy for getting around to all the places that I seem to want to go to) but it depends on what I end up doing and where I'm going and I don't know what and where that is yet, so we'll see.

It's weird to think that in a few weeks I will be leaving this place. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sad, for sure. But this has definitely a true home to me. I just love living surrounded by woods. The community here is like nothing else. The people who I meet here are so interesting, inspiring, and interested. And so many other things. I almost can't imagine not being here. I mean, I can, but I feel at home here, which can be a rare thing to find in a place that is not one's original home. It started off being a bit strange to be living in a different building after living in the Farmhouse for so long, but I'm still here, which is just normal. The woods is normal. How will I handle being back in suburbia?

2008-08-03T13:20:00.002+12:00

You know you live in a small town when you can leave your jacket to save your seat in the movie theatre.

Last night I went to the movies in Peterborough for the first time, to see the new Batman movie. I really enjoyed it, it held my interest and attention and did a good job of suspending disbelief. Very action packed.

Had the day off today, ran various errands, ate extremely delicious icecream at Tenney Farm (home of fall pumpkins, if you recall) and went to a few yard sales. I found a sweet pair of seemingly new shoes for $1. I know I should not be acquiring new items so much as getting rid of my excess belongings, but I will figure it out at some point. I have already started organising my room and emptying drawers in preparation for moving out.

There are only two weeks of camp left, and I can't believe how quickly it has gone by. I knew it would be that way but it still surprises me.

Ich meine es ernst

2008-07-27T09:39:00.004+12:00

Ich bin glücklich. Je suis contente. I am happy.

I am amidst a well needed day off after a crazy session two of camp. Only three weeks of camp left, and it is going by so quickly. It's crazy busy. But awesome. That's not to say it isn't stressful at times, but in general all is well. Today has been wonderfully relaxing. Slept in, went to the Diner for brunch with a few others, wandered around Peterborough for a bit. Hit up EMS before heading to my all time favourite Willard Pond for a refreshing dip and much hilarity. It has been a wonderfully warm day after a lot of rain and thunderstorms this week. I feel revitalized, and I feel good. Mir geht es gut. The rain, although wetness and thunder has prevented a lot of activities, has been kind of nice since the temperature dropped and it hasn't been swelteringly melty over the last few days.

I can't get over how quickly camp is going by, even this whole year. Snowy winter doesn't seem like it was all that long ago, yet it does in a way. It's funny how time seems to go by a lot faster the older you get. But it's going by in a good way. I'm feeling good about what I'm doing, and what I'm going to be doing. I love camp, it's crazy but I love it. Living here has been amazing. After camp I'm working for a few weeks for the conference department then I'm jet setting off to Singapore. It has been nearly 14 years since I was there last. I will be visiting a lot of relatives and just generally hanging about trying to adjust to the heat before heading off to Malaysia for all my travel adventures. Matt will be joining me and we will exploring the depths of the Malaysian jungle, the underwater life of the offshore islands, and everything else in between.

I'm feeling a bit clichéd in the sense that I'm living the "life is just one big adventure" maxim but it's true. Just one adventure after the other. And so many travel plans. Why dream about going somewhere when you can just go there? Work for a bit, save some money and live the dream. It's just how I live my life. Maybe it's not the most practical or financially stable, but I'm happy doing it. I'm also trying to simplify. Living simply is something that is becoming increasingly important to me but so is travel. Working with and getting to know international staff certainly isn't swaying me from the idea either. Or having friends living in other countries. The list of places I'd like to visit is constantly growing. As is the number of languages that I am delving into. I just find languages so interesting, and it is so much better when you have someone who is a native speaker to help you out. Danke, Kirstin!

2008-07-08T13:37:00.002+12:00

I had my day off today. I tried desperately to sleep in but I still woke up relatively early. I managed to stay in bed and asleep-ish until quarter past eight when I decided that I had probably passed my showering "best before" date. Later I got dropped off in town to wander the day away. It was hot. I ate a delicious Bagel Mill bagel sandwich. I consumed a freshly squeezed orange juice from Fishtales. I generally enjoyed having myself for company and ambled around Peterborough. I discovered the Mariposa Museum. I mean, I always knew it was there, and I even went there once way back in 2003 for a "Yoga and Voice" session (which, by the way, was really cool), but I was introduced to the instrument section of the museum. Mariposa is an interactive and hands-on museum, allowing patrons to play the various instruments (mostly drums and other percussion) and even try on various traditional costumes. I was the only one up there in the quiet of the third floor and it was really calming to just play around on the drums. I'm not particularly musical but I felt very relaxed, just drumming to the beat of my mind. It was nice to be alone up there but I think I'd love to go back with some others for a drum circle. I think I'd also love to go back to be alone again up there. And curl up on their old cushion covered Indian bed and read a book (it invites you to do so!)
Later I walked most of the way back to the Farmhouse from town, but I saw Cindy (our wonderful camp nurse) on the way who kindly picked me up, saving me from the melty sweaty heat. Swimming in Halfmoon Pond soon after never felt so good. Actually last week I enjoyed a couple of "Polar Bear" swims (that is, swimming at 7:00am) which may seem insane, but it is such a great way to start the day. It is so peaceful out there early in the morning, the still water, a hint of mist hovering above the surface, the water like a liquid velvet on your skin...

2008-07-05T15:27:00.002+12:00

Forget the whole crush thing. It is disintegrating as time goes on, although not by choice. Essentially was crushed by crush (unbeknownst to said crush), got understandably but unnecessarily bummed about it, slept on it, had an unrelated bad mood kind of morning that eventually blossomed into a much better day and decided I'm cool with it and can move on with things. That's not to say that he doesn't still make me laugh and doesn't have eyes that you could probably stare into forever but my inner seventeen year old grew up again and now I'm back to business. (I'm pretty sure that this may or may not be related to the realisation that there are kids at camp right now who were not even born when MmmBop came out. How old does that make you feel?)

2008-06-30T14:20:00.002+12:00

Kids arrived today. I miss having my own kid group.

2008-06-29T11:47:00.001+12:00

The last four weeks have flown by. It always fascinates me how quickly you can get to know people and feel a connection with them in such a short amount of time. I'm sure it also has to do with the fact that you are with them almost every day of the week, but it has been interesting and refreshing to get to know new people. Even after initial nervousness of meeting them. In summary, life has been busy and all has been well. Training has been crazy. I've learnt some German. I'm trying to learn to play Wagon Wheel on the guitar. I have (somewhat embarrassingly and frustratingly) developed a crush on someone. Embarrassing because for some reason it is making me feel like I am about seventeen years old and making me feel ridiculous, and frustrating since I'm not in a position to do anything about it. Actually I think the frustrating part is more because of how it is making me be all weird about it and not like a normal person. Why must such things distract me from being myself? Not that I am trying to be someone or something I'm not but this apparent crush appears to inhibit my ability to just do whatever it is that I do. I think the thing that is most stupid about it is that it's not even like I have become amazingly close to him and we talk for hours and hours into the night or whatever, it is embarrassingly like a high school crush where I just want to be around him and be noticed and get to know him better. But then sometimes when I am around him I almost feel kind of nervous and silly. This whole thing is silly. But his damn smile gets me every time. And there is a lot that I really like, and respect, about him. But I am not going to go into it. I did not mean to go on a whole tangent about this. Especially since I feel like it makes me look even more ridiculous. Suffice to say that it has been five years since I have found myself in this situation and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it.
To finish (and completely change the subject) I have been reading Yes Man (again) which is a good laugh and rather makes me want to write as if I'm British.

2008-06-08T07:51:00.002+12:00

I know I should be outside appreciating the amazing warm weather. And I did already go swimming at Willard Pond. But what good is it when it's beautiful outside and you don't want to be alone but there is no one who you feel like sharing it with?

in no particular order

2008-06-06T11:05:00.003+12:00

Mango sticky rice. Preparation for staff training for Adventure Camp. Cleaning my room. Neglecting languages. End of School Program party. Semi-grumpiness for various reasons. Amazing vacation at the beach, including beautiful sunset, swimming in the freezing Atlantic and reading in the sun. Going to Willard Pond and realizing that it is one of my favourite places to hike, swim, relax, explore. Even when by myself. In fact it was really nice to be by myself. Except for the crazy annoying bugs. Have been kayaking on Halfmoon Pond. Lovely. Just lovely. And my birthday. Worked, but had a nice day. Included moving stuff, dish washing, walking a dog (well, sometimes chasing the dog - a dalmation called Bosley), kayaking, going out for Thai for dinner and (complete with party hats) had surprise cake and fun times back at the Farmhouse. C'est tout.

vacation by the sea

2008-06-01T07:15:00.000+12:00

Had an amazingly relaxing and restful few days at the ocean. I enjoyed a few days in Plum Island (Newbury, MA) in the summer sun, soaking up serenity. It was so nice to be back by the sea. It was a bit windy, the water was freezing, but the warm sun and neverending blue skies was wonderful combined with the salty breeze and sandy feet. I love the beach. Lakes are nice, and their non-saltiness is much less drying, but summer isn't the same without the sea. For me, anyway.

We also had a good quality storm blow through. I always get a growing excitement as a storm brews and intensifies. Deep rumbling thunder, flashes of lighting... unleashing energy. Below is an excerpt from my journal during the storm.

We left the beach as big heavy raindrops began to splatter upon us. Time to retreat. We admired the deep ominous clouds that had rolled in. I've been reading since we got back. The thunder started rolling, tumbling closer to the sky above us. It excites me. Rumbling, cracking, roaring. Deeper, louder, closer. A dog barks across the street. The thunder echoes in the sound of a car driving by. It crackles, rumbles, fades. The rain is much heavier now. Excitement escalates. Rain is rushing from the sky, wind blustering, rain pouring pouring heavy now thunder racing whispering calling rain RAIN RAIN it's coming here it COMES! The thunder rumbles, the rain now drowning its calls. I want to stand in it, feel the rain on my skin.

it's actually really hard to think of titles that don't sound dumb

2008-05-25T11:24:00.000+12:00

I am grumpy. I think. I just don't feel the greatest and I can't quite pinpoint the source which is also somewhat bothersome. I'm tired too, which probably isn't helping. All these nights staying up late reading. Flowers for Algernon made me cry. That hasn't happened for a while. Crying from a book I mean, I can't remember the last book that brought tears to my eyes. But anyway I'm in this weird sort of upset mood and I don't like it and I can't shake it. Is it Matt? Homesickness? Cabin fever? All of the above? Something else? I don't know but I'm feeling a bit low. I didn't mean to make that rhyme. I went yard sale-ing today. I picked up The Time Traveler's Wife, that Sweeney Todd movie with Johnny Depp, and the Aladdin soundtrack. I love Disney. I got a couple of other things too but there is nothing like some good Disney tunes. I had a nice nap this afternoon to catch up on lost sleep and I'm left feeling a little empty and a little alone. It's not that there isn't anyone around, but I just don't feel like being social. I don't know what I feel like doing. I suspect this feeling may have come about from spending time with Matt today. I really enjoy his company but it somehow also upsets me. I guess that is at least some of the root of my bum mood but now I don't know what to do about it. What I really want right now is my friends from home to hang out with. Not that I don't like the people here, but there's nothing like your old friends. It would be so great if right now I could miraculously transport some good old friends to my room to play board games, munch on snacks and chat into the night. That would be awesome. Instead, I think I am going to continue to withdraw from the social world around me and hide up in my room reading books and trying not to feel so lame. Not that reading is a bad thing, I really need to power through a lot of books before I leave so that I don't feel like I have to take them home with me. I also need some sleep and a good dose of PMA. Positive Mental Attitude.

2008-05-24T12:00:00.000+12:00

The thing is (and this is kind of a continuation of my last post), I really like stuff. Like my camera. Having my laptop to put my photos on, as well as access the internet, among other things. I like getting new outdoor gear (and using it). I like having clothing choices. I like browsing in stores for stuff I might want. I get sucked into sales. Especially for things that I might want. I do try to buy more environmentally conscious items (and try not to buy environmentally unconscious items) but still. How can I get to a point where I don't actually want to have stuff that I don't need. There are lots of things that I don't necessarily need, but at least I use them. A valid point made by a friend and co-worker. At least I/we buy things that are functional, have a purpose, and will get used. But still. Right now I have twelve pairs of footwear here from slippers to hiking boots. That's not even including the footwear I have at home. At least I will be getting rid of some of them before I leave. Almost half of them (five pairs) are various shoes for outdoor activities like my trail shoes, hiking and winter boots. I have a lot of clothes too. I'm planning a yard sale of sorts to clear out a lot of items that I don't need, partly because I don't need them but also because I don't have room to take them home.

This is not really the direction I was intending to go with this. Basically I have a lot of stuff. And the other thing I wanted to end up getting at was that I have interests in things that I don't know how to fit into this new lifestyle that I can't yet describe because I don't know what it is. I guess it's hard to figure out the ingredients for a recipe if you don't know what you're making. How can you get to something if you don't know what the end product will be? This is actually how I live my life, since the journey is always so much more important than the destination. Is that how it is to be with this, too? I think it is going to be a very powerful journey. I will just have to continue taking one step at a time. I have changed so much already since my first time here, and there is only more change and more growing to come. The thing is I need to remember all the in between stages, so that I don't belittle those who may not see life the way that I do, so that I can still connect with them and understand what it is that makes their life so. If that makes sense. I don't want to look down on those whose lives are not in keeping with my so-called environmental values, because here I am right now, a consumer as much as anyone else. And I don't wish to be hypocritical either, because I certainly am not the model "green" citizen. "Be the change you want to see in the world." That's what I'm trying to do, and somewhere along the way I want to figure out how other will want to do that too. This isn't coming out nearly as eloquently as I would have liked, but I hope it makes sense at least.

I want to go back to the idea of buying environmentally friendly items. This can be tricky, and hard to find out information about various companies and their practices. Not only that but the impacts of everything from the materials used, the manufacturing process, transportation of goods... there are so many steps involved in getting goods from the environment and into your (hopefully reusable) shopping bag. Anyway, Rachel lent me her copy of The Better World Shopping Guide, a book that ranks various companies according to their environmental impacts, ethics, human rights and that sort of thing. There is also a website (linked above) where you can find these rankings from American based data. Among other things, now I feel like I am morally bound to no longer purchase M&Ms due to a few things, one of which was their suppliers' use of child slave labour. Maybe it is going to make no difference to the world if I never again eat another M&M, but your money is your vote. And I vote against unethical practices. The M&Ms is just one example, but again, I have to start somewhere, and starting with an awareness certainly helps. I think often people just don't know or think about where stuff comes from, or they turn a blind eye. Or, it's too far removed. How can buying or not buying this bag of M&Ms or this brand of shoes or eating at a certain place mean anything or make any difference? Then I start getting all amped up about the fact that every single thing I do has an impact and that there are so many things that I am not even aware of that are impacting the earth and that buying eco-friendly items isn't enough and that this way of living is so unsustainable and everything is moving so fast and how on earth am I ever going to figure out how I am meant to live?

How on earth...?

It's a good question.

2008-05-19T12:53:00.003+12:00

I've been thinking about things. About what I think is important in my life, how I ought to live, how I can reach a state of happiness and simplicity. How to let go of material things. How to deal with my boxes of belongings back home. What physical and figurative journey or journeys I will take to get to a state of being that I'm not even sure what it is yet. It's funny how I find myself looking for a path to take me to a place, yet I don't know where that place is. I've been thinking about the things that I love to do, what is important to me, what I think is important for the earth, how I am going to change. It's all very confusing in my mind, and there are other things floating around in there it's no wonder I can't figure anything out. Sometimes writing helps and I guess that's why I'm writing right now more than anything. This is nothing more than unorganized musings of a girl lost in a fast-moving world that she thinks desperately needs to slow down. What is that quote? "Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted." It's actually a quote quoted in Tomorrow, When The War Began, the book which in fact the title of this blog is inspired by. At least, I thought that was the quote. I just looked up reconnaissance and it doesn't seem to mean what I had thought. Anyway, I'm distracting myself, which I suppose is not unusual. In fact it now seems irrelevent and I forgot where I was going with it. Moving on.

So I've been trying to be more "green". But that's not enough any more. Nothing ever seems to be enough. It's so easy to fall into thinking "how can I ever make a difference?" But the thing is, I don't just want to "be green". I want to seriously change my lifestyle. I think the hard part is knowing how to go about it. I recently had some good chats about it, among other things, with a friend who used to work here. I really want to simplify my life. I want to find myself in a place where I actually don't want a lot of the things I have in my life. I already know that I don't need them. But knowing that you don't need something is not the same as feeling perfectly content without it. Material possessions and consumerism are just part of life going by seemingly unnoticed. Someone, at some point decided that modern culture needed people to be consumers, it's good for the economy after all.* That's something that has been sticking out to me lately. The economy. And maybe because I never took Economics in school like my father suggested I will never understand it, but everything seems to be about whether this action or that action is good for the economy. What about what's good for the planet? Or future generations? Maybe that sounds like a stupid and naïve thing to say, but I'm serious. All this worry about the "economy" when we are moving towards, essentially, the destruction of our own planet. It makes me think of something quoted in Tim Flannery's The Weather Makers.
"There must be an intricate security system to ensure that exotic outlaw species do not evolve into rampantly criminal syndicates... When a species... produces a poisonous substance, it may well kill itself. If, however, the poison is more deadly to its competitors it may manage to survive and in time both adapt to its own toxicity and produce even more lethal forms of pollutant." (James Lovelock, Gaia, 1979).

Interesting, isn't it? It may seem like I'm being overly dramatic, but truthfully I don't feel as if I am being dramatic enough. But this is what I am trying to figure out. Obviously, getting people to change is very difficult. Especially if they feel like they have to "give up" things. I hope that somehow my own personal journey to simplicity will lead me to figure out what exactly it is that will allow me not to "give up" things in life but find something better. I think that's the easiest way to put it. But perhaps I should start by explaining what I mean by this "journey to simplicity." The thing is, I am not really sure myself. I will describe what I think this path should take me to. It's a more simple way of life. It's less cluttered. It's closer to nature. No, it is nature, for nature itself should not be this separate entity. It's fulfilling. It's sustainable. It's not exclusive. Security doesn't come in the form of cash. We actually know what it is that we're eating. We probably would be involved in the process of putting food on our plates.

There's more. I just don't know what it is right now. And for some of the thoughts that I have for myself that I haven't mentioned, well with around 6.6 billion people on the planet** living in highly populated areas, I just can't imagine how it would be possible. At least not in my lifetime. The struggle for me is how can we adapt this modern, consuming lifestyle into something more sustainable? No, not more sustainable. Sustainable. Into a world where "nature" isn't a place to go to, it is just where we are. I don't necessarily mean that we should all be living in the woods. I am not entirely sure what I mean by that, or what it could mean. And that is a big question mark for me. Yes, every day there are new innovations for "greener" lifestyles, there are recycling programs (although, I think a while back I talked a little bit about programs when I was reading Ishmael or another one of Daniel Quinn's books in that particular trilogy), there are all sorts of things of that kind happening. But somehow I still think of all the hundreds of thousands (millions? billions?) of mass produced items every day all over the world. It's why I feel small and useless and it's why I recycle every scrap of paper and pull recyclable items from trash to get recycled. My whole life I have always tried to do "the right thing" and nothing has ever seemed more right than this. For a long time I felt like I lacked a passion for something, until I came here. Coming here changed everything. As well as the amazing experiences and relationships, invaluable learning and personal growth over the past several years - and for that I wll always be grateful - I feel like I have found something I am truly passionate about. Yes, discovering outdoor and experiential education was a key part in the process, and certainly will play a large part in the days to come, but what could ever be more right or more important than saving the world? I don't think so highly of myself as to suggest that I could do such a thing, nor that I could do it by myself, but I can certainly help.

*Paraphrased from Annie Leonard's The Story of Stuff.
** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_population

what are words but strings of symbols representing sounds

2008-05-11T02:44:00.003+12:00

I finished The Kite Runner last night. Amazing book. I was in need of a good novel. My description will not do it justice I'm sure, but it was poignant, heart-wrenching, fascinating. Highly recommended. I've been reading (or trying to read) a bit of non-fiction lately, and it doesn't offer the same desire to read as fast as your eyes will let you as you try not to read ahead and prematurely reveal the next turn in the storyline. Next up I have started on The Omnivore's Dilemma, while The Spell of the Sensous has once again fallen to the wayside. Although, I did finally pick up Le Petit Prince again today and decided that one chapter at a time was sufficient. Too much more and I will just be idly reading words that I don't understand, not taking it in. I have been really slack in the language department as of late, sometimes I am too busy or tired to work on it, and then I get into a habit of not working on it and then I realise that if I want to be able to speak in Mandarin to my grandmother in less than five months then I should get a move on. Same with Malay. If I actually want to get by without being just another tourist, I need to get serious about this. I did practise a little today, a few greetings, numbers and colours. It's something at least. Maybe I should keep practising. Satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima, enam, tujuh, lapan, sembilan, sepuluh, sebelas, dua belas, tiga belas...

reminders of why I do what I do

2008-05-06T13:02:00.001+12:00

I feel like I've said this before, but it's funny how spending two hours outside with not much to show for it is somehow far more acceptable in my mind than two hours idling inside with nothing to show for it. Time spent outside, in my mind, is never wasted. I went for a walk, sat in one of my favourite spots. On the egde of the Nubanusit, listening to the quiet bubbling and trickling on the river, spring peepers in full chorus in the background. The rippled reflection of the tall pines and blue sky. I busied myself taking photos, but then sternly reminded myself that why take photos when you can look at the real thing? I put my camera away for a while and just absorbed the beauty of riverside woods in the late afternoon sun.
Prior to my relaxing rest by the river, I had been trying to spy a spring peeper amidst the vernal pool chaos of swampy ground, intense "peeping" and signs of beavers. Peepers are tiny and hard to spot but they sure made themselves heard. I heard a splash across the other side where I suspect a beaver or some other animal was loitering. Nearby was a beaver lodge that looks like there has been recent activity. It was probably too early for the beavers to be out but I daresay it wouldn't have been long before they made an appearance.
Later on after my walk, on my way back, I unsuccessfully stalked a wood duck. I saw him on the lagoon and tried to get close enough to get a good photo but I am noisy and clumsy in the woods. And a poor identifer of poison ivy. Had I been more certain of the exposed leaves in question, and had the lagoon not been the lagoon and fenced in, I might have found myself crawling on my stomach through the undergrowth to at least get a closer look with my own eyes.

Last weekend, a group of us from work went whitewater rafting in Maine. It was awesome! We were there for the high water release, giving us up to class 5 rapids. On Friday after work we piled into the van and began the five hour drive up to The Forks, Maine. Named because of the fork created by the Dead and Kennebec Rivers. And here's a plug for Pro-River Runners, because not only did we have excellent and very experienced guides, the campsite facilities were great, we were warmly welcomed by staff from this family owned business and overall we had such a great time, due to the above and many more factors. /plug
We ran the Dead on Saturday and the Kennebec on Sunday, it was freezing cold but awesome. We were geared up in dry suits and neoprene booties (feet still got very numb) and hands were exposed to the wet and cold. Despite the discomfort of chilled extremities, the rivers were exciting, exhilarating, breath taking. The scary kind of fun. Although, much less scary than I was expecting. In short, it was a stellar weekend. Great adventure, albeit it a tiring one. I did, however, get to try out my new tent, which held up well to the rain. Thumbs up to the MSR Hubba Hubba. That is seriously what it is called.

bare feet

2008-04-20T08:29:00.000+12:00

Another glorious day. Warm sunshine and a blue summer sky. I like imagining that it is summer without the bugs. If you ignore the remaining snow in the shadows of the woods then all traces of winter have all but disappeared. I'm visiting Matt's house and answered to the call of the outside pretty quickly. I slinked off into the cool cover of the trees and wandered in the dappled sunlight. I decided that the shoes had to go. Partly because my feet were hot, partly because my feet had been enclosed in footwear all winter and partly because I feel like I need to appreciate the texture of the earth beneath my soles, I discarded my shoes and embraced my newfound freedom. Birds chirped in the trees, a cool breeze wafted through the woods and the bubbling brook rushed beside me. I happily followed the stream, crunching on the leafy forest floor, rock hopping and occasionally daring to take a few steps through icy snow. I eventually settled on a big granite boulder on the edge of the swamp where I allowed the sound of the rushing stream to relax me and pondered the simplicity of just being out in the woods and away from the rush of modern life. Being shoeless was possibly the best part. My feet felt invigorated from the variety of textures and coldness of the water as I let it rush over my toes. I felt just that little bit closer to nature. I was inspired by a comment that was made last weekend at the AEE (Association of Experiential Education) Conference that I attended/worked. At a workshop that I attended, the presenter, Anthony Berkers, made a reference to David Gilligan's Friluftsliv session and I forget exactly what he said but it was questioning whether Gore-Tex was limiting our resilience to the elements, or something to that effect. At the time we were being encouraged to remove our shoes. I did, though we were soon encouraged to return to shoe-wearing as our activities led us into the snow which, as you can imagine, is not friendly on the feet, particularly when blindfolded, as we were. According to the workshop description, "Friluftsliv, literally translated as “free air life” is a uniquely Norwegian philosophy of nature in which nature is regarded as the home of culture, and regular, simple, reciprocal relation with the outdoors is regarded as the most basic human practice." I'm rather interested in reading more about it as I didn't get to go to that particular workshop since I was working.
Anyway, that was a tangent I wasn't expecting to go on, all I wanted to do was express the serenity of my afternoon wander in the woods in bare feet. It felt right.

2008-04-19T08:27:00.002+12:00

Sunny days, blue skies, warm breezy wonderfulness... I feel so great. The spectacular weather this week has really uplifted me and today's 77 degrees F (25 C) has been magnificent. A bunch of us went for the first swim of the season, the ice not having all melted yet. The water is probably around 36 F. Wonderfully refreshing, and the radiant sun warmed us soon after our spring dip. I just feel good. I had some crazy and energetic kids this week as I had a group of my own but nothing could get me down, not even three overnight supervisions. This weather is just so happiness-inducing! I feel wonderful! Frogs are out, we heard the first wood frogs the other night, heard spring peepers last night and flowers are coming through, the snow is melting and the rich earthy smell of spring and summer is wafting in the air. The best part is the beautiful weather minus the bugs. I know they are coming but oh what sweet bliss it is in the mean time. Winter was great but I just didn't realise how ready I was for the uplifting experience of merging into spring. I have found myself smiling so much just while walking in the sun and staring up at cloudless azure skies. Despite a tiring week I feel somehow relaxed and energized.

two americans, a kiwi, and an inflatable boat

2008-04-07T14:43:00.000+12:00

today's unevents

2008-04-06T10:44:00.000+12:00

Today has been productive in a relaxing kind of way. I haven't actually done a lot, but I feel mostly satisfied with my day. The unsatisfying portion is unrelated to my productivity level so I'm trying not to let it spoil my mood. I read for a little bit. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I'm not sure I'm into it. I'm enjoying just reading little bits at a time, despite the fact that if I just sat down for long enough I could easily read it in one setting. I may have given up on The Spell of the Sensuous. It's a hard book (for me) and I definitely need to be in the right frame of mind to actually absorb anything. I've also started Radical Simplicity by Jim Merkel, not to be confused with another book of the same title by Dan Price, that I read a while back.

I also did both an Italian and Malay lesson today. I downloaded songs for a mix CD for our staff. I called home. At some point I ate leftover Chinese food for lunch and replenished our toilet paper supply. An entirely uneventful day but it was nice to be doing something without actually doing anything much. Tomorrow will be the adventurous day. Our inflatable boat didn't come until Monday which seriously foiled our plans for last weekend. Luckily the weather is holding up tomorrow with some sunshine and over 50 F.

And that's me. Just another unexciting Saturday. I am getting a bit tired of work. I really want the summer to come. Not just for the summer itself but for summer camp and doing a job that I am really looking forward to. The only other thing of note is that I have been experiencing increased discomfort in my right shoulder. It first started quite a few months ago for seemingly no reason and has been on and off ever since, but I can't describe exactly what it is that is hurting. Lately it has been bothering me a lot. It is very frustrating because of the nature of the work I do and the limited range of motion of my arm. I guess I kept thinking it would go away and I never went to the doctor before since I didn't really know how to explain the problem. But I think I will have to go soon. How troublesome.

outside

2008-03-29T13:14:00.001+13:00

It's funny how idling outside seems like it's different to idling inside. Inside is full of distractions, reminders of the complexity of our lives. But outside! Outside is simple. Outside is peaceful. Outside is everything that I want my life to be. It's quiet out here. And still. I hear the light specks of ice bouncing off my jacket. The woods are still, excepting the occasional flump of snow freeing itself from the trees. The stillness is eerie.

And so I sat there. Writing became unimportant. I stared up at the sky, through the trees, at the snow covered ground. I wanted to move. I began wandering into the woods, already off trail I just ambled through the scattered brown trunks, sinking deep into the snow. I came across a low ropes multivine and crossed, as if there were no other way to traverse the watery hollows below. Although less than a foot of air was beneath my feet, I moved from rope to rope as if to let go would send me plummeting into an endless ravine. I continued into the woods, thinking that I had a sense of direction. Should I find myself lost and confused I could all but follow my footsteps back to the road. I ignored trails and happily meandered between the trees until I happened upon the clearing across the road from the Farmhouse. I say "happened upon" as if it came up by surprise. It did. I thought I had been facing the complete other direction. The clearing looked so inviting. The smooth surface of the snow was untouched, unlike the snow of the woods, impressed with clumps evicted from the trees above. I lay in the clearing, staring up at the sky. Its greyness appeared to adopt a bluish hue the longer that I stared at it. I lay there, absorbing my surroundings. Lying out in the snow doesn't feel lazy like lying in my room. In my room there are things that I am "supposed" to be doing, things that "need" to get done. In the snow, there is nothing. Just being.

I left my imprint and went on.

Now, the woods called me. Outside begged me to stay. I walked past the Farmhouse and headed down a trail which I soon discarded for the carefree nature of being off-trail. I sunk deep into the snow, clambering like a child over boulders and streams. Whenever I got too hot I collapsed into the cushioning whiteness, breathing deeply the cool evening air. Light was beginning to fade and it was time to head back in the direction of home. I made my way back up the hill, crossing over deer tracks. I could tell they were recent. My eyes followed the prints into the trees, disappearing into the woods. I thought to follow them but I knew the deer would be long out of sight. I was not graceful nor silent as I adventured through the woods, but I was free. I rejoined the trail from the other side only a few metres from where I had left it, and returned to the Farmhouse, refreshed.

the voice

2008-03-29T10:40:00.000+13:00

I'm feeling lazy and uninspired. Maybe because it's Friday. It is beautiful outside. The world is awash in a white cloak of freshly fallen snow. Tree branches are coated in snowy clumps, smaller branches and twigs drooping under the weight. After the melting and spring-esque days we have been having this week, our surroundings have once again been transformed into a winter wonderland. I was sad to realize though, that I seem to have lost some of my excitedness for falling snow, though I still enjoyed the beauty of it tumbling from the stark grey sky. You would think that the wonder of the world outside would entice me to be a part of it, but for some reason today, laziness is overtaking me and I have remained inside since returning home from work. I feel tired, though this has not been a particularly tiring week. I am wondering why the outside is not calling to me. Usually this weather brings out a child-like enthusiasm in me, calling me to wander the woods under a canopy of snow covered treetops. Where is that voice now? Looking out the window I am only partly drawn to the idea of being out there. Part of me wants to be out there, the other part of me is... too lazy? Wanting to rest? Something else? I have worked out only that right now I feel like being alone. This, I know the trails can offer me. The woods will offer me serenity and solitude. They will offer me a snowy tranquility that the inside of a building will never match. They will offer me somewhere to clear my thoughts, somewhere to muse, somewhere to write. And now I must venture forth, for now I must write.

March march march

2008-03-28T13:52:00.003+13:00

This month seems to have gone by rather quickly. It's almost April and I have barely realised that February is already over. The summer is going to be over in the blink of an eye and spring isn't even really here yet. I guess technically spring has begun, but you wouldn't think it looking outside. That being said, we have had some fantastic weather this week - sunny and warm (though by "warm" I mean around 50 F - about 10 C. Balmy). Although tonight and tomorrow are forecast to bring more snow, but it sounds like it is going to be wet, heavy and therefore crappy snow that will be no good for cross country skiing. No matter, because it is clearing and "warming" up by Saturday and should be clear and sunny for my planned adventure on the Nubanusit River via inflatable boat. Provided that our (Izzy and Rachel are in on this too) boat arrives in the next couple of days, which it should. It is going to be so awesome. Why portage a huge heavy canoe when you can carry, with much delight, an inflated water vessel to paddle the inviting flow of the Nubanusit?

Is the week really nearly over already?

2008-03-22T10:35:00.001+13:00

It is crazy windy outside! I love it! The howling, rampaging gusts are exciting to me. It has been a beautifully sunny day, with the blustery wind violently swaying the bare trees. Inside, the sun has kept me wonderfully warm on the couch, allowing me to imagine that it is equally warm outside despite the gale. Earlier this afternoon we spied two deer across the pond, snacking away on food that had been put out for them. I watched them for a while, until something startled them and they disappeared into the woods.

R&R

2008-03-21T14:38:00.000+13:00

Finally, I have been reading again. I have been learning my Italian (Oggi, sono stata al supermercato. Ho comprato qualcosa da mangiare). I have been knitting. I have been sleeping a lot. Vacation is amazing. And going by much too quickly, unlike last week's neverending days. That's to be expected though, and I am relishing in the excess rest. Last night I was very content knitting away in a rocking chair, alone with my thoughts and just listening to the rain. Listening to the pitter-pattering on the roof above and beyond the walls was calming and relaxing. It is nice to be thinking about things other than work, and having some time to myself away from work. I hope to return next week refreshed, renewed and much less grumpy.

Rebel, the usually very uninterested English setter of the house, has just decided to take up a spot next to me, happily depositing an abundance of his white hair on my pants. He showed a brief amount of interest in me and then plopped right down on the floor by my feet. I'd like to think that he really wanted to sit next to me, but the truth is he's only there because his bed was already moved out of the living room for the night. Rebel is the senior citizen of the house. I think he's snoring.

Dropkick Murphys

2008-03-18T04:15:00.003+13:00

Last night I went to my first concert and I have never intentionally elbowed and pushed so many people in my life. It was in a comparatively small venue in Boston (<500 people) and it was crazy! We were pretty close to the front ('we' being Matt and myself), just chilling as the opening bands played and then when the Dropkick Murphys came out and started playing the moshpit actualized right next to us and I got pushed around a bit. It was a bit (and by a bit I mean a lot) daunting for me because I don't do well being claustrophobically trapped in a sea of people, let alone amidst many excited and drunken fans. In our new spot that we were shoved into, it was a little less crazy but I still managed to get elbowed in the face - twice. The crowd was a bit much for me, particularly towards the end when I had had enough of crazy people everywhere, since being around so many people stresses me out. But the band was awesome, and it was a lot of fun. Even the being pushed around part. I just pushed back. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

the end of the perpetual Thursdays

2008-03-15T14:16:00.002+13:00

It's been a long week. On Tuesday, I really thought it was Thursday. Same with Wednesday. On Thursday I woke up scared to think that it might actually be Thursday. I also woke up earlier than usual so that I could help set up not one but two ropes courses before breakfast. It turned out to be less of a disaster than Tuesday's set up. I also did three overnight duties in cabins this week, and prior to doing so did some very uncharacteristic napping. As I said, long week. I am glad it's over. Particularly because now I am on vacation. Sort of. I am doing some sort-of-work tomorrow, but then I am free from the bubble. Escape is imminent.

the great aerial ocean

2008-03-13T15:13:00.003+13:00

It is a clear and beautiful night. I just walked back under the blanket of stars, the moonlight lighting my way home. After doing cabin checks I joined a few of the others at the telescope where we viewed Saturn, the Orion Nebula and the craters of the moon. Saturn still appears very small in our scope, but large enough to differentiate its rings from the planet itself, which is amazing enough. The night sky here is stunning and seeing it, along with being around others who share interest and knowledge in it makes me want to learn more. I have tried before to read and learn more about our starry night sky, but as with many things, I have difficulty retaining and recalling the information at a later time. But it is interesting nevertheless and I love having moments to appreciate the great aerial ocean (a term which I wish I had coined myself but have stolen from Tim Flannery's The Weather Makers in reference to Earth's atmosphere).

four seasons older

2008-03-13T13:38:00.001+13:00

One year ago today was my first day of training for School Program. I have been working here for one year. A year used to feel like such a long time, but now a year seems to go by in the blink of an eye. Well, not quite. Certainly a lot has happened in the last year. For me, anyway. I've experienced four seasons in New Hampshire. I've done things I have never done before, like cross country skiing, sleeping in a quinzhee and ice skating outside. I tried to write a novel. I've seen a moose. I climbed Mt. Monadnock. I've seen and learnt and done so many things. It's funny how when you realise a year has gone by you think back on all that you've been doing, and wonder where all that time went. Actually I'm not really wondering that at all. It has been a fulfilling year. Sure, it has had its ups and downs but I have really enjoyed being here. It seems like more time has passed than just twelve months. I feel like I am already drawing close to the end of my time here but I am only two thirds of the way there. But the next six months are going to go so quickly. Our busy season has already begun. Suddenly it will be time for summer camp, which will flash by, then I'll have only a few weeks left before jet setting to Singapore and Malaysia and then I'll be home and before I can say "Merry Christmas" it will be over and 2009 will have begun. Does every year get faster and faster? Busier? Crazier? I think it has gone by quickly not only because I've been busy, but because, for the most part, I have been happy. Sometimes I complain about the "bubble" but it is beautiful here and my outside surroundings often put me at peace. It's the inside surroundings that sometimes aren't as relaxing. I like the people that I work with, but when you work with them, live with them, and see the same people all the time... sometimes you just want to get away or talk to someone else about something else.
Anyway, I digress. I can go deeper into the bubble phenomenon some other time. Happy one year camp-iversary to me!

Good intentions

2008-03-09T13:55:00.002+13:00

I have spent much of my afternoon working on planning my excursion to Malaysia in October. It is going to be amazing. In summary my adventures will take me on the "jungle railway", exploring, relaxing and snorkelling on beautiful offshore islands and hopefully trekking in the interior of up to 130 million year old rainforests. That sounds like I am ambitiously intending to hike in 130 forests that are a million years old, but much more plausibly, I would like to hike in a rainforest that is believed to be 130 million years old (Taman Negara National Park). It is seven months until I will be on this incredible journey, I am not sure how I am going to contain myself until then. (Probably by being exhaustingly distracted with hundreds of kids during our busy Spring season and Summer camp programme.)

In other news of the day, I did one of my daily-turned-weekly Italian lessons and read a section of Le Petit Prince, which I started last weekend. I would like to make these things more regular but it is more difficult during the week to be able to focus after busy days. Although, I do have a vacation the week after next, so I hope to get some good time in reading and doing my language lessons. I really need to up my game since I also want to teach myself some basic Malay before my trip, as well as learn some Mandarin so that I can actually have some kind of real conversation with my grandmother. I think she would really like that. Once again it seems that French and Italian will end up getting put on hold while I try and start yet more languages. Maybe I will never finish one before beginning another, but good intentions are a good start.

Lately

2008-02-28T10:35:00.004+13:00

Adorable seven year olds, learning to knit, and lots of snow. In summary, that is my life right now. It is Vacation Day Camp this week, and I spend my mornings playing with small children who are cute and fun. Knitting was a new venture for me and I never knew that just my hands could be so awkward but I have improved since starting a couple of days ago. I would be pretty good if you ignored the odd hole here and there and the mysterious extra stitches that added themselves to my needles. And as for the snow, it is beautiful and exciting and happiness-inducing as usual.

I have also been planning an adventure to Malaysia. Since I am going to Singapore before returning to New Zealand, Malaysia seemed like a great place to travel since I will be in that area. I am most interested in some of the islands off the eastern shore of Peninsular Malaysia but I am waiting on my Lonely Planet guide to arrive to see what else there is that would interest me. I have been getting increasingly excited about this trip and since it is a while away yet, I have plenty of time to plan and learn about the areas that I want to visit and about what wildlife there is to see.

Skiing, cross country

2008-02-24T11:54:00.003+13:00

What a beautiful day. Perfect for the cross country skiing adventure I went on this afternoon. It is so cool to be able to walk out your front door and already be in the woods. It is only a short walk down the road to the lodge to pick up skis and poles and then you're away. This time Rachel took me out on some trails that I hadn't skiied before, and I was a little apprehensive about the slightly more technical route but I figured I may as well give it a go. Sure enough, it turned out to be an excellent afternoon out in the woods. It is so quiet and still out there and I love the feeling of being so content. The sun shining through the trees, giving the delightfully white snow a soft glow. It was nice to lie in the snow and stare up at the sky, as sprinkles of snow tumbled down from the sprigs of hemlock above, melting as they landed on my face.

The first part of our journey was a bit tricky but a good warm up. When we eventually got to where we wanted to go, that was when it got really good. Today I took heed of the phrase "feel the fear and do it anyway" and seemingly fearlessly careened down the slopes. I took some sweet falls but tumbling into the snow was also fun. Probably because despite all odds I managed not to get hurt. Even atop the smallest of hills I feel a little nervous but I went for gold today and had the best time. It was nothing short of terrifying flying downhill at uncontrollable speeds but by the end of the day I felt that I was actually exhibiting some real technical skill. It may not have been the most graceful or conventional of skills, but it worked for me. Cross country skiing is definitely becoming one of my favourite winter activities and I am planning on going out again tomorrow.

One big lesson I really learned today was the value of eating. I mean, I know how important it is but today I felt the physical effects of insufficient energy input. I had eaten earlier but I made the mistake of heading out even though I was already hungry again. It was fine for a while but later on towards the end of our adventure - sure, I was a little tired - but my lack of energy was impairing my judgement. I realised this when I couldn't think for myself to put my mittens back on. Earlier on I had removed them since I had heated up considerably from skiing, but after cooling down and a number of falls into the snow they were starting to get painfully cold. Rachel had to remind me to put them back on, an obvious thing to do that had not occurred to me. At that point I knew I had been foolish to have left without eating, or at least bringing a snack. When we got back, we found and devoured a combination of fruit and cookies. Food had never tasted so good. It was like that feeling of finally eating dinner when you're exhausted after hiking all day long. Definitely the best orange that I ever ate.

Other than that, not much else new going on in this neck of the woods. Earlier this week we witnessed a total lunar eclipse. We had day programs for the week so it was nice for everyone to have every night off. The same is true of next week since we are working for our vacation day camp programme. All in all, life is pretty good right now.

Odds and ends

2008-02-22T12:39:00.002+13:00

Just came in earlier from another great skate on the pond. It is amazing out there! Blue cloudless sky that faded into dusk as we glided across the ice. The sounds of the ice settling can be a little unnerving, but it is around a foot thick, more than enough to be safe. Good times.

Just added a few photos from recent events. You may notice in one of the pictures my new piercing that I have neglected to mention. I got it a couple of days ago and it was followed by a delicious dinner at Thai Garden. Rachel and I have a goal for the season to try everything on the menu. So far we are going well.

Tomorrow is going to bring snow which means no more of this hard frozen ice business and more cross country skiing! As well as making for better skiing conditions, it is always comforting to know that inevitable tumbles will be onto fresh and therefore much softer snow, as opposed to the harsh and unforgiving ice.

Ice skating and lunar eclipse - really original and creative title I know but I am tired

2008-02-21T17:30:00.004+13:00

Ice skating on the pond this afternoon and evening was amazing. Recent weather conditions left the pond in perfect skating condition - mostly smooth ice, little snow. We had so much fun out there. Work finished early and we grabbed our skates and headed out to the ice. It was freezing outside but as long as I kept moving I was just right. Some hilarious antics took place and we stayed out until after sundown, watching the tinted clouds fade and glow in classic sunset colours. It was awesome being out there. Although after almost three hours it was definitely time to head inside and warm up.

Just to make the day even better, tonight the sky was wonderfully clear for us to witness a total lunar eclipse. We stuck our heads outside (or up against the windows!) periodically during the partial eclipse before we all huddled together outside the Farmhouse in our penguin-esque formation and watched as the Earth's shadow passed over the moon. It was cool to watch.

I am exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep. I want to write more, and more eloquently, but I can barely keep my eyes open so it is definitely time to call it a night. Photos are to come.

Mist-erious world

2008-02-19T11:30:00.004+13:00

There is something I find appealing about fog. In the woods it seems that all the world is hushed, it can be mysterious, eerie, peaceful - all at once. I just came back from wandering in the woods with Amber and Tijssen. I decided after spending most of the weekend indoors that it was time to get outside. After the weekend's sub-zero temperatures and treacherous icy roads, the rain from the early morning and throughout the day has melted much of the ice, though snow remains abundant. At 56 degrees Fahrenheit it was wonderfully temperate for strolling among the trees and I loved the atmosphere of the grey and fog. Coupled with the company it made for a very pleasant late afternoon adventure.

2008-02-17T17:00:00.004+13:00

It never fails to astound me how quickly time passes while I am idling away not doing a lot of anything. Somehow just pottering about on the Internet, looking for books (despite the fact that I have plenty of books in my room that I have not yet read) and reading blogs just swallows time. And Facebook. Don't get me started on Facebook. Although, in my own defense, I have not been so obsessive compulsive with it lately. Anyway, at least an hour and a half floated by after I decided I was feeling antisocial and tired and came back to my room for the night. Despite how it may seem I am not always a grandma and last night we were playing an hilarious murder mystery game in the Shed (after amusing ourselves with card tricks and the "secret passage") which resulted in much laughter and at one point finding myself on top of the fridge.

I was thinking about this week, and on Thursday we were hosting the Senior Lunch as per usual. This week it just so happened to fall on Valentine's Day, and one of the seniors' birthdays. Rachel and I decided to be festive and specially decorated their tables with gaudy but fun napkins, doilies and Hershey's kisses. I don't really care for Valentine's Day myself but it was fun to do something nice for the group. It was George's 90th birthday, and the day before, his wife - Fern (also present) - had turned 91. They are such a sweet old couple, and we sang happy birthday to them both. They told me that this coming September will mark their 70th wedding anniversary. Wow. I can't even describe how that makes me feel. In awe, maybe. I want to be like them, happy together after seventy years. For some reason thinking about has struck a chord with me, that they have grown and lived together and seen all the changes in the world together. I don't really know anything else about them, but the fact that they have been together for seventy years is something that I cannot truly comprehend until I have been around for that long. I am just over a quarter of their age. It's weird to think about.

A word about words: A dedication to Lauren, whose words are rich and bountiful

2008-02-17T08:07:00.002+13:00

Je parle un peu de français. Parlo un po' l'italiano. Je parle plus de français que l'italien. Aujourd'hui j'ai mangé le petit dejeuner (la prima colazione) à la Bagel Mill. I had a delicious cranberry orange bagel with butter. Erin goes every Saturday and as soon as she comes in the door they start making her order. Clearly, I need to become a regular here too.

Today has been quiet and semi-productive so far. It's a beautiful clear day outside, though very cold. I awoke early for a Saturday and joined Erin and Ashley on their weekly breakfast at the Bagel Mill. I finally completed "Week 2" of my Italian lessons and did the test. I have poked at my French book but I have been intentionally avoiding it for a long time because I know that the next section is about the subjunctive, with which I am sure I will struggle immensely. I am thinking of getting a book written in French so that I can at least practise reading and extend my vocabulary. And getting French children's books is probably not a bad idea. Who wouldn't want to read The Hungry Caterpillar in French? I am also thinking of Le Petit Prince. I have read the English edition so at least I already know what the story is about, and it can be a long-term reading assignment.

Talking of reading. I have not done a lot of that lately either. The Kite Runner has already made it back to the bookshelf incomplete. I started over on The Spell of the Sensuous but did not get very far. It's not really bedtime reading, which is usually when I have time to read during the week. And yesterday I started over on The Weather Makers and I think that if I can sit still and read undistracted for a solid hour then I am golden. When I read I like to be able to get comfy for a few hours and just read and read and read. It makes for better flow, especially at the beginning of a new book. Even more so for books that I am starting again for the second, third or fourth times. Once I've really got into it then I'm more likely to read smaller chunks without forgetting about what is going on. On top of all that, I really like reading in the daytime. Natural light is much more conducive to absorbed reading. At least for me anyway.

I just realised how entirely uninteresting this probably is to anyone else, but I don't really care. This is my blog and I will blog whatever rubbish I want. Never mind the fact that I should be thinking more about writing for audiences so that one day I can actually publish something. It's not like I actually have much of an audience. I think I will end on that note and dedicate this entire post to Lauren for being my ever-faithful reader.

2008-02-14T16:24:00.002+13:00

I just can't understand this phenomenon of waking up too early on a daily basis. I have been waking up while it is still dark outside and having great difficulty getting back to sleep, only hindered more by the increasing amount of light of the approaching day. Yesterday I refused to get out of bed and lay awake in my bed for a while trying to sleep, and eventually rolling over to discover it was still only 6:30am. Today at the same time while sleeping attempts once again were futile I pulled my computer onto my lap only to be annoyed at its slow speed, and then miraculously felt droopy-eyed enough to doze until it was time to get up. I woke up at that same early time despite going to bed at midnight as opposed to my recent 9-10pm. My bed time ranges depending on whatI have been doing and how tired I am, but it is mostly anywhere between 9-11pm. I don't know why I am blabbering on about my bedtimes. The funny thing about all this is that I have always wanted to be able to wake up earlier on my own without an alarm, and now it is happening and I am very confused by it. I feel like I am supposed to realize that this is a gift from the world and that I should appreciate it. Not everything makes sense but sometimes it's more interesting that way.

My laptop just complained of low battery so I had to move back to my desk, which is not as warm and cosy as my bed. It is calling me, for no matter what time I go to sleep I can pretty much guarantee myself an internal body clock wake up call anywhere between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning so I had better get sleep while I can.

2008-02-13T17:37:00.002+13:00

I think I am finally getting used to walking up the road to the Farmhouse alone at night. Maybe there is just something calming about the snow lightly falling and the whiteness of my surroundings. Maybe tonight the moon was providing enough diffused light through the cloud cover so that my journey would not be in complete darkness. I have not even been using my headlamp for the walk up. But talking of complete darkness, I am extremely excited about the total lunar eclipse that is going to be visible to us next week. The last time I remember watching a lunar eclipse was back home, laying on carpets outside our front door. I don't know why the carpets came to mind, because they weren't a particularly central point to the memory (or, since I remembered them, perhaps they were) but I remember my mum being there and she would have been the one to provide carpeted comfort out on our cold concrete driveway. Mums are good like that.